Curtain!
Lights!
This is it, the night of nights - welcome, wrestling fans, to the 2022 Quality Awards! The Arena is d r a p e d in gold bunting, a makeshift stage in the ring, and a bit of a departure from the usual show; the QCW roster, dressed in their finest (well, Razorblade didn’t get the memo) are in the first few rows facing the hard camera, separated by their alliances and sitting together with their like-minded running buddies. This is an awards show, not a Ruckus, so things should be fine*.
Our hosts are Steve Vandeblanche and in a rare lengthy TV appearance, the Commish, Scott Holmes, both decked out in tuxes. Over the past year, QCW has grown by leaps and bounds to heights never before seen in the almost 70 year (!) history of the company; tonight is the night to honor those who helped it to get there and are blazing the path of QCW’s ever-bright future. Holmes noted that since the fights were being saved for the PPV that it would be great to have a nice evening to honor the wrestlers who made QCW what it is.
They threw it to Enya Face in the ring, who kicked off the show proper by presenting the first award of the evening - Most Improved Wrestler of the Year. As QCW evolved, the roster evolved with it, and these were the men, women, and non-binaries who led the charge. Highlight packages played as she named off the nominees: the QCW World Heavyweight Champion Mayhem, Mirror Mirror, “the French Assassin” Serge Batroc, Party Animal, and the QCW Women’s World Champion Summer Rose.
The Most Improved Wrestler of the Year is – Mayhem!
A loud, mixed reaction - 60/40 pro - as the Champ shook hands with Enya, straightened out his suit, and accepted the award. He noted that he’d worked hard all year long and didn’t stop until he was the Champ. He thanked the fans who were with him for voting for him to get this prestigious honor, and if he was lucky he’d be taking home a few more Qualities besides this one. And for the fans booing him right now (this obviously intensified the booing), he only had two words for them: #AndStill. He left the stage, shook hands with Enya, and returned to Row 1, Seat 1. Being the Champ has its perks.
Duck Eko came on in a tuxedo with some green accents and gators holding him down to present the next award of the evening. He was lucky enough and sometimes unfortunate enough to be ringside when QCW’s best were going to battle. And as great as the action always is in QCW, what drives it and any other wrestling promotion is hate. Rivalries. FEUDS where they can’t get along, so they get it on, and part of the reason QCW is where it is today is that these five nominees went to war for honor, glory, and titles. This may be the first Feud of the Year award, but it won’t be the last, and in some cases it’s possible that these feuds may not die any time soon. So with all that said, the Duckman presented our nominees for Feud of the Year: Mayhem/Nazir el-Fadal • Mayhem again, this time against Gran Atomico • the Storybookers v. Mean Season • Serge & Destroy vs. Mason "Razorblade" Savage • and the Storybookers again, this time against the Forbidden Book Club.
Duck cracked open the envelope to reveal the winners of the Feud of the Year: Mayhem….and Nazir el-Fadal.
I suspect the “Oh, crap” that Holmes said was a shoot as both the current men’s champions, literally seated at opposite ends of the first row just to keep them away from each other, both stood up and approached the ring from opposite sides while alternately looking at the award and glaring at the other one. Nazir got to the trophy a beat before Mayhem did and snatched it up, the Television Champion looking at the World’s Champion and wondering how it could be that this was the Feud of the Year if Mayhem couldn’t beat him clean and was too chickenshit to give him a one-on-one rematch for nearly half a year. The crowd oohed as Steve apologized for the salty language of Nazir. Mayhem grabbed the mic away from Naz and said he was just being a jealous hater because he was a FORMER World Champion. Nazir’s head literally tilted and he badgered Duck into going to the floor to get him his own microphone. Once he had it, he said that he was only two more defenses away from a cash-in, and how beautiful, perfect, really, it would be if he were to cash in on the Great White Dope and get back his property that got stolen away from him. Mayhem said that wouldn’t happen since he wouldn’t survive Sunday’s four way dance, and then it would be another three months easy before someone else had enough TV title defenses to cash in on The Champ. Nazir said if it was anyone who’s title reign was going to end Sunday, it was Mayhem’s, since he still hasn’t beaten Razorblade the same way he hasn’t beaten him. (Shoutout to the camera crew cutting away to Razorblade raising an eyebrow and nodding at Naz’s statement even though they also hate each other.) Mayhem scoffed and said he didn’t need to say anything else that HIS belt wasn’t saying already, removing the World Title from around his cummerbund and taunting Naz by literally rubbing it in his face. Naz took a deep breath and spit in Mayhem’s face. Mayhem wiped it off and laughed, then threw it at Naz’s face and OH SHIT WE FIGHTING
Huge roar from the crowd as Duck fled to the outside (smart man), Mayhem and Nazir throwing hands and ripping at each other’s tuxes. "It's the Feud of the Year for a reason and it's still going!" yelled Steve. It was mostly just ground and pound brawling with both men alternating having the upper hand, but the round of boos from the crowd meant that security was on the way to break up the fight. Breaking up the Feud of the Year winners gave Holmes an opportunity to angrily stomp into the ring and dress down both Mayhem & Nazir, saying that it was one thing if they wanted to fight on a show, but this is the first-ever Quality Awards and only the second award of the evening. There’s already fighting?! Not tonight. Not while he’s in charge. This is the one night of the year QCW isn’t going to fight, because they don’t live in Plantation, damnit, they live in…well, that’s not important. But what is is that if anyone else starts any physicality tonight, they will be getting fined at the very least, possibly suspended, and if people are feeling really froggy, he’ll start yanking away title shots…and titles, if need be. This didn’t make Mayhem and Naz suddenly star in a buddy cop comedy together, but escorted by security back to their seats things managed to settle down somewhat. Naz did get in a parting shot to the camera that it should have been named the Carry Job of the Year award.
Scott recomposed himself, then said they would take an early commercial break to get the set right and make sure something like that didn’t happen again (safe to assume a bit of security will be by both champs now), and then they would be right back with the 2022 Quality Awards.
Back from that break, things seemed to be back in order, and Enya was behind the podium once again. She said that a lot of wrestlers struggled for a lot of years to make names for themselves and get into the spotlight, but for the nominees of the Rookie of the Year, they proved they had it from the beginning all the way back last year. Part of the reason that QCW’s future is so bright is because of these five nominees:
“Tiki God” Al Buffet, Party Animal, “These Hands” Roy Fade, “the First Lady of Fitness” Karyn Tisch-Warren and Lolo Vuitton.
The Rookie of the Year - running away with it with nearly 80% of the vote! - is Party Animal!
Big pop for the winner as the crowd responded with hand claws and breaking out a Claw is Law chant while Party Animal, in the classic beachgoer tuxedo tee, looked like a Price Is Right contestant getting the call to Bidder’s Row. He ran up the ring steps, almost tripped when he got in the ring, then lifted up Enya and spun her around a couple of times before grabbing the award and hoisting it up in the air triumphantly. He seemed to be leaving when Enya whispered something to him; his subsequent “I get to make a speech!?” was loud enough to be heard without the benefit of a mic.
Party hit the mic, but then held up a finger. He pulled out a Claw and chugged it to more vociferous cheering from the crowd because of course he did. Beverage finished, this is what our ROTY had to say:
“Thank you all for this award! I knew if you all clawed into your party souls you would make the right decision. I promise to continue to party with all of you and be the best party wrestler ever! And White Claw?
See you guys after Sunday!”
Crowd cheered this loudly as Steve explained that whoever won the TV title four way dance got an endorsement deal with White Claw, and so if/when Party won the belt, they’d realize two dreams at once. On his way back to his seat, Party offered up a Claw to Duck, who demurred, so the Rookie of the Year (and possible next TV Champ) shotgunned the whole thing themselves to the crowd’s delight.
Duck wasn’t shocked that Party Animal offered them up a White Claw, but there were plenty of big shocks that happened over the course of the past year in QCW—so many that a Quality Award was decided upon to figure out in a world where the shocks can be seismic, which one had the biggest impact? What’s the 2022 Quality Award Shock of the Year?
Footage played of the category’s nominees: the Storybookers collapsing the cage on both Autumn Powers and Wendy Neverland, Mirror Mirror revealing their non-binary nature, Más Histeria throwing Yung Choppa off the stage, and the Champ in the final two: temporarily being forced to leave QCW after some trickery from Los Luchadores Locos, and him becoming The Champ by cheating to beat Naz at Devil’s Night.
The winner of Shock of the Year, in a very close vote, is the Storybookers collapsing the cage on both Autumn and Wendy. That got a loud and mixed reaction, which only got louder and more mixed as Mirror Mirror gingerly stood up (with help from a tropically tuxed Tiki God) and slowly made their way to the stage. Mirror peered at the award and held it in their hands for a few beats, maybe moved by the moment, maybe thinking of how they wanted to get the verbiage right. But once they started, they had everybody’s attention:
“Fans, stans, and haters. It’s been a long year since I took off the mask. In order to rise like a phoenix from the ashes, something had to be sacrificed. I admit that it was reckless of the old me to injure Autumn and Alice that way, but their sacrifice brought about something amazing. This weekend, the women’s division will crown their first ever Tag Team Champions! There are five worthy contenders fighting for the Women’s Title! And as much as I would like to take credit for forcing Scott and the fans to take the Women’s division seriously, Autumn was the one that led the way. She was the first woman to challenge for the men’s title. She was the one that main evented our first two pay per views. And she was the final catalyst for me to discover my true self. I wish you could be here, but if you were, I don’t know if I would slap you, apologize, or thank you. But one thing is clear. Without you, I would not have the courage to finish what you started: the erasure of the gender divide in QCW. Not long from now, men, women, and everyone in between will compete for all QCW titles. So come back soon, Autumn, and finish the fight.”
Mirror got a big pop for that, and Al was there to help them off the stage with a smile. As they headed back to their seats, they passed the Commissioner. They looked each other up and down, before Scott asked Al if he needed help. Al said he had it and shook Holmes’ hand. Holmes made a similar offer to Mirror, but was politely rebuffed. Shrugging, Scott took over from Enya, since this is the award in the bunch he’s the proudest of. They took a chance relaunching QCW in the middle of a pandemic, but part of the reason they were able to do so was the fact that they were on PPV allowing wrestling fans to stay in their homes and enjoy the comfort of QCW from their couches and beds. Now look at them - happy with FITE, doing bigger numbers every single time out, and heading out to the West Coast for the first time ever after making their first trip to Canada earlier in the year. So, right now, stand up and cheer for yourselves, since QCW couldn’t have done this without you. The crowd did so, then broke out into a Q Cee Dub chant that went on for quite some time, touching off Scott’s allergies slightly. He swallowed, then said rather than waste everyone else’s time, that he would announce the winners of PPV of the Year - a tie between Mayday Payday and Devil’s Night, both of which will be returning this year to QCW PPV. In fact, on the April Fool’s edition of Ruckus, fans would find out where Mayday Payday was coming from this year. Seriously. It’s a timing thing. But he did have a twinkle in his slightly moistened eyes when he said it, so let the online speculation begin as to where the May PPV will be coming from…or even what country at this point, hell.
Steve let us know that things were heating up at the Qualities, since after the break we would be handing out awards for both the Most Loved and Hated Wrestlers of the Year. So run to the fridge and get something good, then hurry back if you need to. You got 90 seconds.
After the break, including a plug for K2 Circuit Training (the hustle never stops, does it?), we went back to the Duckster, who said he was really happy to be able to announce the nominees for the next award, because unlike certain other QCW stars (cut to Naz), these stars never gave him borderline heart attacks or threatened his well-being. Even off-mic and off-camera Naz could be heard yelling “It’s not hate, it’s HAYT! It’s not my fault you can’t do your job right!” “ANYHOW!” said Duck before recomposing himself, “here are your nominees for the Most Popular Wrestler of the Year!”
We all know where this is going to end up, but let’s go through the list: Mayhem, Mason Savage, Jupiter Jones, Summer Rose, and Party Animal.
Your winner for Most Popular Wrestler of the Year…
–oh, no, Mayhem, baby, why is you standing up?
…Mason “Razorblade” Savage!”
Mayhem looked like he’d gotten two bites into a burrito and then dropped it on the ground as from the second row, Savage walked to the ring baptized in Razorblade chants. An infographic as he shook hands with Duck revealed that not only had he gotten 85% of the fans’ votes, Mayhem hadn’t even gotten 4% and came in dead last.
YEEOUCH.
Mason smiled at the chants, then waved them down with his hand so that he could accept the award. He said he lived a hard life, and not much touched him anymore: cold six-packs, thumbtacks, Todd on Bojack Horseman. But since he was lucky enough to get the first award of his life, there were some people he had to thank. He wanted to thank Scott and everyone at QCW for bringing him aboard and allowing him to show off his skills, and more importantly, he wanted to thank the fans for giving him this award. He didn’t ask for their love but the fact that they gave it willingly, and for him after the things he’s been through…it’s just…nice. Of course, he wasn’t going to be that nice on Sunday when with their support, he was going to beat the absolute hell out of Mayhem and pin him again, only this time a referee would be counting three instead of them and then…why, then the Razorblade Era could begin in QCW. Crowd roared at this; who didn’t was Mayhem, who seemed to be alternately sulking and furious over this completely predictable turn of events. Savage walked off stage holding the evidence that while Mayhem’s The Champ - and for how much longer? - Razorblade is the People’s Champ. That may be copyrighted.
Enya took over from Duck, and she noted that since Duck got all the nice guys and ladies she was stuck with all the jerks and mean girls – so here are your nominees for Most Hated Wrestler of the Year.
(+10 for the crowd just booing the announcement before even hearing the nominees; that’s good stuff.)
Nazir el-Fadal…Mayhem…S.Mark Starr…the Forbidden Book Club…and Mirror Mirror.
And your winner of Most Hated Wrestler of the Year is – and then Enya looked at the card out of the envelope, stared at it, and then walked over to Scott & Steve. Scott looked it over, shrugged and said “It’s weird, but let them know. I’ll let them know we need another one.” Enya then went back behind the podium.
“Okay, everyone - it turns out there’s a tie.”
That got the crowd buzzing, and she shrugged.
“The Commissioner tells me that it’s okay and eventually there will be two awards. But without further ado, let me name the winners of Most Hated Wrestler of the Year: Nazir el-Fadal…
…and Mayhem!”
Steve yelled out the first two thirds of WTF before Scott cut him off, and both recipients yelled out all three words in completely different ways. Mayhem stomped to the ring with security in tow behind him. “You guys! You guys…what the hell?”
Steve said to Scott “They won Feud of the Year AND Most Hated?” Scott’s voice was light, but still audible on the broadcast: “And I used to wonder why my old man drank.”
Nazir, by the way, didn’t need to be held back by security and wasn’t even trying to make his way to the ring. He stayed in his aisle seat, cackling like a kid who got a PS5 for Christmas despite numerous misdeeds.
“Why do you guys hate me?! Nazir, I get – like, it’s Nazir! Look at him!”
The camera followed the edict, where Nazir was literally holding his stomach he was laughing so much, pointing at Mayhem in the ring. You could see the tears in his eyes.
“You guys gave Razorblade the Most Popular and ME the Most Hated with Naz!?”
A very familiar three-lettered chant went in the air, and Naz made his first move since being announced as the co-winner: to stand on his chair and trying to stoke the chant further, indexes in the sky and all. “Christ,” murmured Steve, “he might not have had this much fun being World Champion.”
Mayhem was obviously furious. “Let me get this straight: nominated for Most Popular, that makes sense. I ended Naz’s reign! You wanted me to be a hero and I was! I won MY World Heavyweight Championship—” Mayhem stopped, rattled by the “STFU!” chants coming from the bleachers. “I carried this company! I AM THE CHAMP, DAMMIT! And you people have the balls to hate me after everything I’ve done….that I thought I was doing for all of you, that we were in this together against the Nazirs of the world and we were fighting for a better QCW together!
But I guess not. I guess freakin’ not, right? I’m the Most Hated of the Year?! I’m the Most Hated of the Year? Okay. Okay. All right, all right all right all right yeah okay fine sure. But you want an acceptance speech, here it is:
If you all hate me now…you’re really going to hate me after Sunday night when your precious Razorblade goes down and the Quarantron says #ANDSTILL.” Mayhem stomped off back to his seat while Naz pulled an Ava from Abbott Elementary and fell out of his chair laughing. As the camera backed away from him, he was heard saying “Someone tell him since I grabbed the Feud of the Year trophy that he can—” and then even more cackling. Mayhem sat in his seat, possibly inventing the thousand yard glare in the process. The award remained on the podium.
Steve said while that was a massively surprising turn of events, there were still three Qualities that needed homes, all the big ones. And we would hand them out right after the final commercial break of the evening.
We had commercials air, the last one being some hype for Golden Rule.
Back on air, where it was revealed that During The Break Naz had composed himself enough to strut his way into the ring, grabbing the Most Hated trophy and blowing the fans a kiss before taking a sweeping bow and strutting his way back to his seat. It got a little bit of a pop, too. Live, Naz showed off his awards and crowed about how the only award he was missing now was the Wrestler of the Year. Cut to Mayhem, who was still glaring into the Gulf of Mexico and might not have moved in minutes.
From there we went back into the ring, where Duck was waiting. He said he’d had the best seat in the house for every QCW show in the Quarantine Era, Ruckus or PPV. QCW is obviously not in the business of putting on bad matches, but certain matches…well, certain matches are instant classics. You can feel it in the arena even if you’re sitting down. You can see it as the wrestlers go above and beyond to try to secure the W. It was hard to cut a lengthy list of nominees down to the best of the best, but once they did, they had five world class candidates to take home the Quality Award for Match of the Year.
In chronological order:
The finals of the Worldwide Leader tournament last January, where Nazir barely beat Mayhem
Last March, when Mayhem & Razorblade fought for the first time (this went to a double countout)
The inaugural WarGames last May, where Mean Season finally bested the Storybookers leading to Mirror Mirror getting their head shaved for taking the loss
Devil’s Night last October, where Mayhem became The Champ with some help from the ropes over Naz
And Yule Be Sorry three short months ago, a triple threat street fight over the World Title that saw Mayhem narrowly survive both Naz & Razorblade
Duck cracked open the envelope to reveal that the winner of Match of the Year was Mayhem winning the title from Nazir el-Fadal at Devil’s Night.
A now 70-30 negative reaction, as Mayhem came into the ring once again with a small grin spread over his face. Nazir sat and did his own glaring, security surrounding him in the front row while the security assigned to Mayhem surrounded the ring just in case he tried anything. Mayhem started off, shockingly, by apologizing. He realized he blew his stack over the last award, and that’s not championship material. So, again, he got mad at them and he was sorry he did. But, hey hey, look at this – how hated could he be if he was the man who won the Match of the Year? So thanks to the fans, honestly. It was the defining win of his career to that point, and it was a night he will never forget. He looks forward to putting this award with most of the other ones he’s earned tonight. He gave a rueful chuckle as he said this. For his part, Nazir was content to glare at Mayhem, and seemed to briefly count the number of security guards around him before deciding whatever nefarious thing he might try wasn’t going to be worth it. Mayhem’s glare was a little better, probably because he was more shocked.
Enya presented the penultimate award of the night. She mentioned that while QCW was known for a lot of things, what might be the most underrated part of the whole promotion was their tag team division. With one notable exception, every one of the tag teams nominated for Tag Team of the Year were either currently holding the QCW World Tag Team Championships or were former champions themselves. Her new friends the Immortals got here too late to be nominated, but the teams that were were supergreat. Now, the nominees for Tag Team of the Year are:
The College Park Family
Más Histeria
Serge & Destroy
Currently known as the Hard Way, TAFKA Chrysalis/Gothic Horror
Anton “Teknik” Stahl and Richard “King Carny” Windsor from the IWC
And your winners for Tag Team of the Year - in a pretty big rout, actually - are the College Park Family!
You’d think it’d be too hot to be wearing maroon and cream tuxedos, but the Family stayed cooler than Freddie Jackson sipping a milkshake in a snowstorm, enthused that they had won the biggest award in the division. They all came up to the stage, Jane Doe a few beats behind the rest as she’s tagged up with Cindy Monet.
Jupiter smiled as he held the award, Lucius trying to get the crowd a little less amped up at “Collipark!” chants to let Jones speak. He mentioned that last year was a great year for him; he got to be QCW Champion, and then when he lost that title the Family took him in and made him feel less like a grandpa than the title loss had. He knew Naz was running around proclaiming himself the Triple Crown Jewel of QCW, but Jupiter knew same as Naz that JJ himself was only a TV title reign away from becoming the real first Triple Crown winner in QCW history. Admittedly, he came up a little short in that a few weeks ago – but if someone wanted to bet, they should bet on that title reign happening before Naz gets the World Championship. With only so much time left in his career, if he were to earn the Triple Crown – that would be the crowning achievement on a really good career, wouldn’t it? He thanked the fans, apologized for being “too verbose”, then turned things over to the young buck who picked him up, Lucius Patton.
Sweet Lou took center stage as Jupiter stood behind him a couple paces, Patton saying it was just as great to win the first Tag Team of the Year award as it was being half of the World Tag Team champions. He loved Jupiter, and teaming up with one of his idols was even better than the dreams he used to have living in Section 8 watching QCW on a black box. But he wouldn’t have gotten where he is without Benjamin Valentino, who limped up next to his old partner, to a mighty (standing) O.
Valentino had a tear in his eye as he addressed the crowd. He thanked the crowd for their support and expressed his love and admiration for his brother Lucius, his idol Jupiter, and for Cindy (it’s complicated), and then he dropped a bombshell - due to the beatings his body had taken over the years, he was going to have to retire.
An audible gasp arose from the crowd, and the camera zoomed in on Naz, as he was the one responsible for Valentino’s injuries. Naz sat stonefaced. Benjamin promised to still be in the corner for all of the Family’s matches, especially since his crew was up against the Immortals Sunday night and it’d be the hardest test of their reign…but they didn’t get the belts in a Cracker Jack box or these awards from the vending machine, everything the Family gets is EARNED. So while they respected the Immortals, they didn’t run from anything that didn’t have flashing lights. He also mentioned that Jane & Cindy are also gonna bring home the Women’s tag belts and everyone in the Family could be wearing gold. See y’all on Sunday and may the best teams win. Can we get a “Collipark!” from the congregation!? It was received, and everyone got in on a big group hug, even eventually Jane. These were presumably the kind of nice moments Holmes was hoping for earlier.
Duck got in the ring to announce the last award of the night. The Big One, for all the singles division Tostitos. Like the Tag Team of the Year category, every nominee sans one was either champ or a former champ – and the one who didn’t fit the brief right now could change that at Golden Rule. That got a rise out of the crowd, but Duck let it die down a bit before he unveiled the nominees in the Wrestler of the Year category:
Naz.
Jupiter.
Mayhem.
Razorblade.
Summer.
“And the winner of the Wrestler of the Year award isssssss……MAYHEM!”
Loud, mostly negative reaction for that, Mayhem shaking his head before he got up to get his final award of the evening. He grabbed the microphone and said that he knew the crowd was booing because he won the award and Razorblade didn’t. The problem he had was that he had earned this award, the same way he’d earned Most Improved. He was in the gym, holed up in hotel rooms watching tapes, doing everything he could because for him, being The Champ wasn’t a cool nickname, it was his life. He’d worked hard to get where he was, to earn these kind of accolades and be the sort of World Champion you could be proud of whether you liked him or not. Razorblade is a super talented guy, no one doubts that. Super popular too, obviously. But after the accident, Mayhem came back and defended the World Title just as he would Sunday night; Razorblade came back and made a lot of noise by beating up Naz, but he couldn’t win the TV title from him. And he wouldn’t win the World Title Sunday night. And maybe next week, after the fans were a little more open to listening to reason and the Champ was still the Champ, maybe juuuuuuuuuuuuuust maybe we could have a talk about how as good as he was, he wasn’t great enough to win the Big One.
A buzz grew in the crowd and then turned into a roar as the Razorblade stomped down the aisle and hit ringside, blowing by Naz in the process. Mayhem told Razor to remember what Scott said earlier, adding that the security wasn’t there for his protection but RAZORBLADE’S ahead of their match on PPV Sunday. He was already going to be humiliated when he lost on Sunday, so he shouldn’t embarrass himself by getting beat down before the show for no good reason. A “Let them fight!” chant started up as Razorblade pivoted away from the ring, and grabbed the microphone that was on the timekeeper’s table. He only had four words to say.
“First, them.
Then?
YOU.”
Naz looked particularly interested and stood up in his seat as Razorblade rolled into the ring under the bottom rope, then started throwing hands like they were going out of style. Scott began yelling on the broadcast for him to stop, then realized what he was doing and dropped the mic to get closer to ringside where Razor could hear him. Savage wasn’t doing anything but hearing the sounds of the crowd roar every time he laid out another security guard, then gave Mayhem a look. “You act like I can’t do that!” yelled Mayhem. Then the old tag partners and former friends exchanged a look…and a smile…and there’s your main event on Sunday laying out a dozen security guards side by side. The World Champion and the #1 contender went back to back in the ring and dropped every man who wasn’t an award winner. The last helpless security guard begged off, only to be snatched up by Razorblade by the belt loops. A few seconds later, they were flying through the air courtesy of Soul Crusher Airlines, and no sooner had that landed than the same black shirt was eating a No More Words to the gut. Scott Holmes was yelling something about fines from the floor but he could barely be heard as Mayhem and Razorblade finally looked at each other one on one, Razorblade breaking out into a grin as Mayhem’s face got harder and tauter.
So I went to the first annual Quality Awards and a hockey fight broke out.
Biggest pop of the night as Mayhem & Razorblade threw hands on each other, Nazir back up in his seat cheering as the former besties threw hands, and then HE went down.
“The Fury” Jim Jaspers went after Naz in the front row, and was quickly joined by “These Hands” Roy Fade in a fight. Party Animal started to make his way in that direction while putting away another Claw, and Scott Holmes went over towards that fight while the one in the ring continued. Mayhem seemed to have Razorblade’s number and surprised him with a reverse rana before he finally divested himself of his bowtie and went up for his signature finisher as the TV title contestants began to fight in the front row. Scott was now yelling at six different men and two different fights to “Stop fighting! Are you guys (bleep)ing serious right now?! I’ll fine everybody, I don’t give a (bleep)!”
Part of the set came down as that brawl started to also take place around ringside, with Mayhem flying off in the ring and eating knees from the #1 contender. At this point Naz was fighting Party and Jim was facing off with Roy (what is this, Scranton?) and wait, what?! In the fourth row, some of the women’s competitors were now facing off, a loose amalgam of Mean Season, Luz Cruz & Sohla Patel against the Forbidden Book Club, Lolo Vuitton and Karyn Tisch-Warren.
The crowd started a LOUD Q Cee Dub chant as Razorblade snatched up Mayhem, and was obviously looking for the Soul Crusher as he went up the buckles. It looked like Science Fiction Double Feature was going to go after the Club, but first the rest of the Family - and then surprisingly, the Immortals - held them back. Of course, this led to some cross words between the men involved in the Tag Team title match Sunday (the Immortals can’t get physical with the Family before Sunday or they lose the shot, probably why they weren’t the only ones throwing hands).
A bootleg RedZone thing started to happen, one block on the World Title fight, one for the people in the TV title match, another couple blocks devoted to the multiple women’s fights that had broken out – the crowd roared and then groaned as Luz Cruz got a running start down a row of chairs for a modified tope, only for the Club to flee which led Cruz to wipe out Sohla Patel and the Red Queen in the process. Los Luchadores Locos jumped Mirror Mirror & Tiki God from behind and HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT DID CRUSAZDO DEL ORO HIT A FUCKING SHOOTING STAR PLANCHA IN A TUX OFF THE UPPER DECK ONTO ALL FOUR OF THEM!?
That’s going in the sizzle reel to open Ruckus for sure – btw, he and Gran Atomico have a lucha de apuesta match Sunday. Loud, lengthy, well deserved “HOLY SHIT!” chants from the audience as Mayhem raked Razorblade’s eyes then threw him into the post. Staggered, Mayhem stumbled over to his Wrestler of the Year award and the World Title, holding them both up briefly to boos before he slid out of the ring, seeing Naz coming into it. Mayhem made the “it’s over” X with his hands as he stumbled up the rampway, Naz getting laid out from behind by Fade. The brawls continued with no end in sight, and Steve reminded everyone that Golden Rule was this Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY.
The first annual Quality Awards ended with a shot of Scott Holmes repeatedly slamming his head into the timekeeper’s table while the fights continued on around him in the background and the laid out security teams just starting to stir. Apropo, really.
* - OOPS
