Last Week On Ruckus: Party Animal got a win over “These Hands” Roy Fade, only for both men to get jumped and laid out by the Teknik of Anton Stahl • Lolo Vuitton was the special guest referee in an eight-woman tag between the Forbidden Book Club and Mean Season, locking glares with Autumn Powers as she made the three count • in the biggest, greatest match in Ruckus history, the Immortals & International Workrate Consortium outlasted Mayhem, the QCW World Tag Team champions the College Park Family and the QCW World Champion Razorblade in an eight-man elimination war, the final survivors being Einherjar and the #1 contender, “the French Assassin” Serge Batroc…
It's the final Ruckus before Mayday Payday and the Arena's running hot tonight. Pyro exploded, the Quaranteers popped, and the usual suspects ran down the big stuff tonight including a pair of Pick Your Poison matches and the contract signing for Sunday's main event; tonight's fight-stivities would start off with one of the triple threat qualifiers for the TV title…
| • Mayhem d. Summer Rose & Katsuji Ootsuka in a TV title triple threat qualifier • | This triple threat got put together between all the semifinalists of the Duquesne that failed to take the Cup home. As you might expect given the participants, Mayhem was the heel in this one even if he didn’t work like it, with both Rose & Katsuji getting about an equal level of love from the crowd. The match nearly went 20 minutes and could’ve gone a number of ways - down the stretch Ootsuka countered the Come Up into a jacknife for a nearfall, Mayhem dodged Magical Sky and threw himself into an O’Connor roll to nearly steal one away from the rookie, and Rose once again countered a No More Words with the Come Up as she had in their tournament match - but this time Ootsuka took advantage of that and laid Rose out with his basement rana driver. He went up for Magical Sky on Rose and hit it, but during his pinfall got splattered with No More Words. Katsuji was down on the mat nearly in the fetal position while Mayhem scavenged a pinfall on Rose as a result. ***
As you might expect, the crowd despised this decision, but Mayhem was all smiles and confidence, making A Very Familiar Gesture around his waist after he got his hand raised by the zebra. Ootsuka goes to the Consolation Cup on the PPV pre-show after this since he didn’t eat the fall.
Cue the b-roll of various scenes from NYC that we’ve been seeing all month, but a different version of “Empire State of Mind” is playing over the montage. The piano sounds more synthy, the drum track sounds like it’s being played on a bucket, and the singers’ voice seems like it’s being drowned out by… a subway train?
We cut to an exterior shot of Grand Central Station. Inside the terminal, we see Benjamin Valentino playing the keyboard, Lucius Patton and Jupiter Jones hitting buckets with drumsticks, Cindy Monet singing the Alicia Keys hook that has been stuck in our heads for a decade plus now, and Jane Doe doing the robot. Cindy occasionally stops singing to say thank you to the odd subway passenger that throws cash into the hat. We pan down to an Atlanta Braves cap, with a cardboard sign propped up behind it and the World Tag Team championships next to them. When we zoom in on the sign, it says:
Immortals Funeral Costs!!
IWC Medical Bills!!!
Anything Helps
God Bless
No seconds for the second match of the evening; the arguable MVP of last week’s main event Einherjar no doubt assumed his partner in crime would simply walk over the Tiki God given the size disparity. (Mirror Mirror didn’t come out with Al, presumably trying to steel themselves for whatever Naz will throw at them later for Pick Your Poison.) The first couple of minutes in the match sure looked like that was going to be a safe bet, with Al throwing bushels of offense at the Rev only to get knocked on his ass off of one shot, but Buffett is a hard nut to crack. Al got the crowd behind him the more damage that he seemed to be doing, at one point shocking everybody in the Arena by press slamming his opponent. Rev pressed Al off at 2, but clearly took the match more seriously from that point forward. It didn’t stop him from falling prey to the Lava Rock, though he kicked out and Al really pressed the ref about it. Later on in the match, Al flew off the ropes right into a stiff uraken, but got a foot under the ropes during the count at the death. The Revenant didn’t take too well to that, actually. Finish came after some more nearfalls when they both decided to upbraid and then punch out (!) the referee. **
| • “Tiki God” Al Buffett ddq. The Revenant • |
Both of them continued brawling after the bell, which eventually brought out Einherjar and Mirror Mirror, all four having words with each other while officials eventually had to come out and keep them separated.
We got another vignette from across the pond - “King Carny” Richard Windsor showing off his catch wrestling skills - Jaspers dropping the helpless with his Manchester Kiss headbutt - Windsor with a pint in one hand and the mic in the other, hitting the high note in the Darkness’ “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” at karaoke - Jaspers in a more lighthearted moment using his mattress to wrestle with his baby daughter -
The Proper Villains
What can’t they do?
Back from break for the second TV title qualifier, this one based more on longstanding rivalries that got a little bit of juice last week when both Party Animal & “These Hands” Roy Fade were laid out after the match they had by Anton Stahl as part of the IWC’s increased swagger since Serge took home the Cup. Stahl had the advantage of getting the jump on them last week but didn’t get any such luck this week; in fact, he spent most of the match catching a beatdown from either or both of his opponents. Anton was clearly discombobulated having to try to come out from under the short end of a virtual handicap match and couldn’t do so, though he did get a couple of nearfalls when the Fade/Party alliance inevitably fell apart during various times of the match. The brawl went to the floor and both Anton & Party sidestepped a Decision attempt that sent Fade into the steps and made him a non-factor for the rest of the match, which ended when Party reversed a Matter of Time attempt into a cradle and kept Anton down for 3.1. ** 1/2
| • Party Animal d. Anton “Teknik” Stahl & “These Hands” Roy Fade in a TV title triple threat qualifier • |
But instead of “Oh Yeah”, we got “Wish” instead, crowd booing loudly as Mayhem came out (sarcastically?) clapping for Party’s win, announce noting that this would be the match on Sunday to fill the vacant title. Mayhem seemed to size up Party and laugh, before starting to tell him that while Party was plenty talented, he’s who he is and The…well, Mayhem is who he is. He continued to bigtime Party like that for a while, crowd growing antsy and Party growing increasingly annoyed to the point where he started to leave only for Mayhem to block his exit and continue preaching at him. The crowd started breaking out into “Mayhem sucks!” chants as Party held up an index finger, then pulled out a White Claw to the cheers of the crowd. Mayhem started getting upset, so Party held up the index finger while proceeding to chug it down to a pop. Mayhem looked on disgustedly and started to leave himself, then got spun around by Party right into a few shots worth of Claw right between the eyes to an even bigger pop. Party would reach into their tights and grab another Claw to pop it open, before leaving it by a sputtering Mayhem and walking proudly to the back; one of those two men leaves the Hammerstein TV Champion and 10 decisions away from being a constant thorn in the side of whomever ends up as the World Champion. Former TV Champ Fade finds himself in the Consolation Cup during the Payday preshow up against the newcomer Katsuji Ootsuka; the winner of that match gets a shot at the TV title on next week's Ruckus.
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New Yorrrrrrrkkkk…this Empire State Of Mind is ostensibly Serge's, though the voice we hear throughout is Anton's. We saw footage of the Consortium going to work in Gleason's Gym in Brooklyn, both men spotting the other while their ally put in work on the heavy bag. As Serge worked on boosting his Krav Maga bonafides, Anton welcomed us simple Americans to the beginnings of the Batroc Epoch, and bragged that his losing killed the Connection so that Serge could bring the Consortium to life. As we saw them look disdainfully around at the Hammerstein, Anton mentioned that what was on display when artisans like Serge or he wrestled was the truest, purest form of wrestling that 2022 had to offer; Stahl even bragged that their way was gaining more students by the week. We saw them take back bumps and exchange holds as Anton proudly continued that by the time Mayday Payday ended, the Consortium would have taken precious gold from QCW's paper champions, and would restore the honor and glory of the World Tag Team championships as well as finally giving the people a World Champion worthy of respect when Serge liberated it from that glorified hobo Razorblade. The camera looked up at the Consortium, Serge looking down disdainfully before gritting out a "You're welcome" to put a button on the vignette.
Duck announced the following contest as part of the night’s Pick Your Poison series, which brought out Mirror Mirror for their match. Before we found out their opponent, we had to reintroduce ourselves to the matchmaker here - Nazir el-Fadal. The leader of the nazir World order came out with his ever present mic to ringside as Mirror stared him down from the ring. Naz glared back, then smiled - far too wide to be anything friendly. He mentioned that while he didn’t want to lower himself to putting hands on a carnival sideshow act, on Sunday he would continue Mirror’s seven years of bad luck. But why hog all the fun for himself? The rabble may exalt Mirror now, but it’s not as if Naz is the only person they’ve rubbed the wrong way over the past couple of years. Naz said there were a few things in the world worth lowering himself to be close to Starr for, and having the best seat in the house for Mirror’s comeuppance right now is one. Mirror walked over to where Naz was and kept barking at him from the ring - right until “Unstoppable” hit, causing Mirror to freeze and Naz to cackle gleefully as Autumn Powers came out. Mirror was literally frozen in the ring as Powers came out, Naz so pleased by this turn of events that he took a seat at the announce table and propped his feet up on it.
Once he stopped sputtering, Starr wondered how the hell Naz could’ve possibly pulled this off, to which Naz responded that since he’d never seen one before that this was a $50 bill: get Steve an Americano and him a latte with almond milk and an extra shot of espresso - tip $2 and bring him back the receipt with the rest of the change. Naz addressed Steve, saying that getting a steel cage dropped on you wasn’t the sort of thing you forgot, so the moment he found out he was picking poisons he knew exactly the name to get. In the ring, this was the part that usually had the staredown and/or smacktalk, but what was happening was that Mirror was literally shaking before Autumn offered them a handshake that would eventually get accepted. Naz sat back and watched his plan unfold as he dreamed it up; Mirror was clearly shook and wrestled pretty timidly in the opening moments. Autumn powered Mirror around the ring multiple times and got a few nearfalls, even landing a superplex. Mirror rolled out of the ring and tried to buy themselves some time, but Autumn followed them out and a chase ensued around the ring. Naz pointed out on commentary that of course this is what was going to happen; Autumn had Mirror’s number and if that delusional idiot thought they were humiliated last Mayday Payday, getting their ass kicked in their own type of match would be even worse. Mirror looked back at the commentary table and glared in Naz's direction, which he didn't seem to notice while arguing with Starr. On the hop, Mirror went back in the ring and hit a baseball slide on Autumn, then followed it up with a plancha, and started to turn the tide by quickening the pace of the match, getting nearfalls with both a springboard flying forearm and a satellite DDT that crumpled Autumn for a big nearfall. It went back and forth in the back end of the match with Mirror pressing harder and Autumn still surviving, but the inverse being true as well. Cracked Mirror dropped Autumn to her knees and Mirror went up, but Autumn cut them off and hit another superplex, but Mirror snuck a cradle on her when they hit the mat and pinned her to win the match. ***
| • Mirror Mirror d. Autumn Powers in a Pick Your Poison match • |
Mirror let out a happy yelp upon getting the three count, while it was Naz’s turn to sputter and fume while Starr cracked a couple of jokes at his expense. Autumn looked down a little bit, but also shook their head and smiled at getting got. When Starr kept upbraiding Naz about what he was going to do about it, he said “Pretend they’re you?” and threw off the headset, sliding into the ring – just in time to see Autumn with a steel chair standing in front of Mirror. Naz yelled at Autumn to stand down, but she wouldn’t, and after failing to move her Naz disgustedly threw up his hands and went to the back. Mirror pulled themselves up with help from the ropes and offered a handshake, and Autumn put aside the chair to give a proper shake back. Mirror stalked their way to the back while the crowd gave Autumn a generous reception…and then it was lights out.
Four red throbs later, and the Forbidden Book Club was in the ring swarming on Autumn. The gang attack began and Nancy Crowley told the World Tag Team champions to set Autumn up while she got the chair Autumn had had moments ago, only to be cut off by an incoming Summer Rose who joined the fight and started throwing hands of her own. Out came Spring & Winter on her heels to make it a full on four on four fight, and then out came the Women’s World Champion, leisurely as she pleased – announce stressing that there was going to be a six-woman tag with Lolo Vuitton teaming up with the #1 contenders against the Club as soon as they could get things settled down at the Arena.
There’s the New York you’ve been seeing the past few weeks. The Statue, Yankee Stadium, Alicia Keys, all that.
This isn’t that.
This isn’t even the famously haunted bar known as the Landmark, it’s the alley behind it - a perfect backdrop to get an insight into the Immortals’ Empire State of Mind.
Welcome to the true New York - Hell’s Kitchen.
The people of Hell’s Kitchen are mean…cutthroat…and vengeful.
All qualities that we appreciate.
They don’t put on airs - they accept their base selves. They accept that they only deserve damnation. The College Park Family and International Workrate Consortium need to stop putting on airs and accept that they only deserve damnation, too.
At this point the Revenant made himself the foreground.
And we’re going to bring it to them.
One massive red right hand over the camera later, the promo was over.
| • the Forbidden Book Club (Agrippa/LaVey/Spare w/Nancy Crowley) d. QCW Women’s World Champion Lolo Vuitton & Mean Season (Green/Wonderland w/Autumn Powers & Summer Rose) • | We joined this one back from the break, with Agrippa sending Vuitton flying across the ring before getting a nearfall. Picture in picture showed off the Club jumping Autumn right before this, drawing out the other participants in the six woman. Autumn didn’t seem too banged up from the attack and stayed on the outside with Summer during the match so that they could neutralize Crowley. But the match didn’t go the way they would’ve hoped, mostly because once again the Club provided a unified front where their opponents couldn't. Vuitton couldn’t get along with the Mean Season members throughout the bout and eventually tagged in Spring and tried to bail on the match, which caused some interesting friction on the outside as Summer tried to make her stay and Autumn seemed more than fine with her leaving, all three women having words on the outside. This unfortunately left Green for the Club’s pickings, who closed her out with Spare’s Subconscious Bomb to set up La Vey’s Fallen Angel splash, Agrippa keeping Wonderland away during the count. **
Vuitton finally stomped off to the back while Autumn looked at her opponent from Sunday; Summer went to try and help out Spring and Winter while the Club took to the buckles with the belts and let out some womanly cackles. Lights off - four red throbs later - lights on, no Club.
Starr used all this craziness to hype the fact that come Sunday, it was going to be the biggest day in Mean Season’s history – Autumn has a shot at Lolo for the Women’s World championship and Spring & Winter have a shot at the Forbidden Book Club for the Women’s World Tag Team championships. Steve continued the hype train by mentioning that the International Workrate Consortium was in a similar place, with…well, they were getting a shot at the College Park Family and the World Tag Team titles as were the Immortals in a triple threat match, but would Serge be doing double duty? Because his Duquesne Classic victory earned him a shot at the World Champion, Mason “Razorblade” Savage – could Serge make history in one night just as he did to earn the cup? The vacant World TV title would be decided between Mayhem and Party Animal, and Mirror Mirror has been undefeated in Beg For Mercy matches in their QCW career – can they keep the streak going against longtime rival
And right on cue, “Arcarsenal” hit.
The best adjective to describe Nazir as he came out was nonplussed - maybe a little thwarted that Autumn couldn’t put an L on Mirror, but still got some of what he wanted out of the deal. No sooner had he waved towards the back before “This Town Ain’t Big Enough For the Both of Us” fired up over the PA to bring out a bruised but defiant Mirror Mirror. Naz’s visage changed as he came to the center of the ring with his own mic, clearly disgusted. “Bring forth whatever loser from your little island of misfit toys you want.”
Mirror gave a small chuckle, noting that as much as they’ve grown to despise Naz that they would give credit where credit was due, he made a smart play by bringing someone from their past to try to get them off guard for the match. So it only made sense that for his Pick Your Poison match he get paired off with someone from his own past.
“So bring out Naz’s opponent…
…well, wait…you can’t.”
The smile on Mirror’s face was far too wide to be anything friendly.
“They’re already here.”
Nazir’s eyes went bug as the bell rang, then a couple seconds later it rang again because Mirror hauled off and immediately kicked el-Fadal right in the medames. Congratulations, Naz! You’re still the winner of the fastest match in QCW history.
| • Nazir el-Fadal ddq. Mirror Mirror in a Pick Your Poison match • |
While Naz was on the mat clutching his plums, Mirror was on the move, rolling to the outside before snatching up Duck’s chair and coming back into the ring. Naz had just stumbled up enough to get walloped in the back with the first shot that sent him to his knees, another shot across his back sent him onto his belly, and to an increasingly loud series of pops Mirror laid in shot after shot after shot after shot after shot after shot to Naz until he was barely moving. A snarling Mirror threw the bent chair out of the ring then snatched Naz up into Look Inward; within seconds el-Fadal was getting his Savion Glover on. Starr pounded the desk with glee over seeing this, noting that after almost two long years of Naz running his damn mouth, he was finally tapping out in the middle of the ring. Steve chimed in that this could easily be a preview of the Beg For Mercy match on Sunday, and that chairs (and everything else, for that matter) were perfectly legal to use - and Mirror Mirror hadn’t lost a submission match yet. Maybe the slipperiest man in QCW finally had found himself in a situation he couldn’t weasel his way out of. Mirror stood over Naz’s body and taunted him while Starr gave a one man standing O for Mirror perfectly executing another of their plans against Naz as we went to our final commercial break of the evening.
This Week In QCW History: in 1960, the original Qualitorium held its first ever show.
And in 1987, the main event of QCW Friday Fire saw “the Communist Chainsaw” Dmitri Caviar beat “Working Man” Bobby Kreutzmann in a flag match. Caviar did win the match and wave his flag, but didn’t get through the first verse of “The Internationale” before Kreutzmann caught him over the head with his signature steel lunchbox before ripping the Soviet flag and waving the Stars & Stripes to, frankly, a Road Warrioresque pop (this did happen during the Reagan Abomination Administration, after all). If you ask certain longtime QCW fans, this was the first domino to fall that led to the fall of Communism in Russia a short time later.
- - -
Back from our final break to Scott Holmes in the ring, holding a clipboard with the contract for the main event at Mayday Payday. He informed us all of what we were about to see, then asked us to welcome the #1 contender and the winner of the 2022 Duquesne Classic, “the French Assassin” Serge Batroc.
Out came Serge, sneering and alone holding the Duquesne Cup. Batroc entered the ring and looked over it disdainfully, wiping down an area of the table before putting the Cup on it. Holmes waited a couple of beats, then asked us to welcome Serge’s opponent, the World Champion, Mason “Razorblade” Savage. Huge pop for the Champ, out in ripped black jeans and a shirt with Lemmy on it sporting a hat that said BORN TO LOSE | LIVE TO WIN. Savage got into the ring and shook Holmes’ hand before looking at the Cup and giving it a wry grin. Serge looked on cooly from a corner on the opposite side of the Champ.
The Commish said that before the signatures were made, he did want to note one thing: part of the deal being made with these contracts signed was that the IWC was banned from ringside during the match, the same way Anton was being banned from showing up for the contract signing. So if Serge thought he could sign this contract just to set Mason up to eat a doubleteam 48 hours before the match, that wouldn’t happen - if Anton came out here to aid Serge, Serge would forfeit the title shot he earned along with the Cup. Holmes said that was all he had to say, and asked the men to sign.
Serge walked up to the table, shook his head, and signed the contract glaring at Razorblade the entire time. Razorblade grabbed a mic off of the table and said that every time he turned around The Champ had to give some kind of The Speech. But that wasn’t why he was holding the Twelve Pounds of Gold, he was holding the belt because he was the best fighter QCW has today. It was great that Serge wasn’t speaking much these days because he didn’t much care for talking either – and out went the lights.
The lights came on…to a laid out Serge.
No one knew what had just happened, or what was going on; Holmes & Savage looked at each other, but both told the other they had no idea what just went down, and then made moves to get by and check on Serge.
It looked like Holmes was going to call for the paramedics when Serge’s eyes opened, and he…smiled? Holmes and Savage stared as Serge’s arm came up and snapped his fingers – lights out.
Lights on, and this time not only was Serge upright and fine, but he wasn’t alone: a sizeable Russian man in a red tracksuit was in the ring now too, beating the everloving piss out of the Razorblade before looking over at Batroc, who nodded. Starr seemed to say something like “Is that Caviar’s kid?” (at least, according to the closed captioning, which can be hit or miss) as the Russian cinched up Savage and took him around several revolutions in a giant swing before delivering a vicious spinebuster that sent Razorblade through the table and got Holmes right in Serge’s face, yelling at him that he’d blown his shot with this. Serge smirked at Holmes, spun the clipboard around, and tapped it twice. Holmes looked at it, went back to yelling, looked at it again, then grimaced. And scowled. And turned the contract to the nearest camera - a contract signed by Mason Savage…and Anton Stahl.
Serge laughed a manly laugh as he filched the contract from Holmes and had the Russian grab the World Championship and bring it to him - Serge put a foot on Razorblade’s chest and signed the contract (for real this time) on the World title before dropping the clipboard on The Champ and hoisting the 12 Pounds of Gold in the air. The burly Russian stood behind Serge, who went up to the commissioner and sneered two words at him: You’re welcome. Starr noted on commentary that the International Workrate Consortium used to be an afterthought, but now they were not only threats, but expanding. And they might be one good Payday away from taking over QCW.
See you Sunday Sunday SUNDAY for the PPV!
