"QUEUE CEE DUB! QUEUE CEE DUB! QUEUE CEE DUB! QUEUE CEE DUB!"
LAST WEEK ON RUCKUS
“Dashing” Pierce Moore racked up another victory and continued mocking former Unified World Tag Team champ & crowd fave “Tiki God” Al Buffett
Both Einherjar and Anton “Teknik” Stahl notched wins to get added to the ladder match for the vacant World TV title at Cold As Hell
Despite some weirdness, the Insurgency retained the Unified World Tag Team championships against the Hard Way…only for Buffett and the rest of the Game Changers to come out and make their presence known
We got the new G+ open (with a little bit more Moore and SciFi DF) before we whooshed into the Arena and blew up some purple, gold and red pyro – Steve & Starr wished us happy Friday the 13th and promised some action that would chh chh your ahh ahhs: the last two qualifiers for the TV title ladder match happen tonight, and Anton "Teknik" Stahl will face off against the World Champion Razorblade in the main event, but before we went to the ring – a major announcement courtesy of Commissioner Holmes.
He popped up on the Qualitron 9004, beamed in from the office. He welcomed us to Ruckus and said while he didn't like starting off the show, announcements like these required it. He noted they always tried to put on an episode of Ruckus that never wasted the viewer's time, and that he especially felt that way when it came to the handful of limited commercial interruptions editions of Ruckus QCW put on during the year.
New year, new network, and something new for every single limited commercial interruptions edition of Ruckus in 2023…
QCW is going even more international!
The Quality Controllers popped (even a few "Holy shit!" chants were heard on the broadcast) and Holmes let it die down before saying that fans from around the world were clamoring for months for QCW to be closer to them than the Arena; thanks to G+ those dreams will be fulfilled for thousands around the globe. Next month will have a limited commercial interruptions edition, which means the Consortium is on the clock; all LCIInternational Ruckus will feature defenses of the Ambassadors trios championships – and the IWC is lucky to have them after the crap they pulled in the Unified Contenders Challenge. Holmes again thanked the fans and G+ before throwing things to Duck, who intro'd the opener.
| • OnlyFitness (w/Scott Warren-Tisch) d. Autumn Powers & Winter Wonderland • | As OnlyFitness came out we got a brief split screen that folds in like the new Tron does, showing us footage from two weeks ago where Lolo earned a spot in the ladder match at Cold As Hell – and there’s nothing stopping her from holding both the World TV title and the Women’s World title.
This match was predominantly setup by online sniping (it is 2023, after all), with the mean muscle mommies daring Autumn to find a partner if she could and hadn’t burned every friendship she ever had. And it turned out that she didn’t – her longtime rival turned ally Winter Wonderland, who’s been predominantly focused with trying to capture the Catch Hell Wrestling League’s Women’s title in her homeland returned to the Arena and even got a few “Mean Season” chants going early as she got the upper hand on Karyn Tisch-Warren in the opening moments of the match.
Unfortunately for Powers & Wonderland, Fitness had what they didn’t: a good little simp to provide referee distractions, let the Women’s World champ run in and get a cheap shot in before they took over proceedings.
Lolo made sure to duff up Winter Wonderland and took control for several minutes with her power game, Wonderland having to kick out a couple of times and Autumn having to save the match once. Lolo and Autumn exchanged glares after that but Vuitton went right back to work and kept an upper hand until she ducked too soon after whipping Wonderland into the ropes; Winter came back with her Nuclear Winter implant DDT and that bought her enough time to tag out to Autumn.
Powers came in hot and dished out the sort of beating Vuitton was putting on Wonderland; the Quality Controllers were rocking and rolling with her every move and she even got in a shot to knock Karyn’s superfine annoying ass off the apron. It looked like Scott was going to try to interfere again a little bit after that and Autumn knocked him down to the floor, too…but behind her back, Karyn blind tagged herself in by slapping Lolo’s muscular back and then lying in wait.
Powers obliterated Lolo with the Hazy Shade of Autumn only for Karyn to get a running start and lay her out with a STO backbreaker, then a Complete Shot before she applied the Circuit Breaker elevated Texas Cloverleaf. It looked like Autumn was going to make it to the ropes, but then Karyn pulled her back to center right before Winter took her out of the picture. Lolo absolutely walloped Winter with the Bloody Shoe a couple of seconds after that, then OF hit Only Finished This on Autumn and Karyn got the pinfall with Lolo counting along while making sure Winter couldn’t make another save, which she sadly didn’t. ** ½
Post match the heels went wild and targeted Wonderland. Scott actually shoved Duck out of his chair before passing it along to his wife, who wrapped it around Winter’s neck. As the crowd buzzed and the announce pleaded, a smirking Lolo Vuitton barked out the orders to Karyn for positioning, and she got ready to leap off the second rope before she got waffled off of it by another chair - this one belonging to Autumn.
Karyn managed to duck an attempted shot but Autumn absolutely walloped Scott with a chair uppercut that sent him flying into the air before he landed seconds later with a thud, OnlyFitness both grabbing him from the edge of the apron while dodging Autumn’s swings. A furious Powers got the mic from Duck and said that she was tired of OF’s BS, and damn sure sick and tired of seeing Lolo hold her title for her, so next week here in the Arena she was going to get back what was hers and become a two-time Women’s World Champion. There was none of the former champion’s usual grin as she slammed down the mic, making sure that OF was retreating up the ramp before she and the official checked on Winter while the announce got excited about the title rematch and hoped that they would have official word on it before the show ended. Autumn helping Winter to her feet to cheers was the last thing we saw at home going into the break.
Back from the break, where Duck announced the next match with a 20 minute time limit as a World TV title qualifying match before “New Born” hit the system and the crowd popped huge for the arrival of the Game Changers. With Al Buffett suffering a narrow loss to Roy Fade a couple of weeks ago it fell to “Dark Mirror” Beckett Carpenter to try and secure the Changers a spot in the ladder match coming up at Cold As Hell. Ashley “THEE Influencer” Szabo and the Tiki God hyped them up right before the lights cut out…soon to be replaced by the dulcet tones of Johnny Cage’s “Ain’t No Grave”.
The crowd kept the roaring going as the Immortals came onto the scene, and as they made their slow walk down the ramp we got a G+ split screened picture in picture that Took Us Back To Last Week where Einherjar vivisected Drake Tremble to earn his spot in the ladder match the Revenant & Carpenter would be fighting to get into here. When the bell rang, both participants stared down the other but eventually bumped fists and got down to business.
| • the Revenant (w/Einherjar) d. "Dark Mirror" Beckett Carpenter (w/the Game Changers) in a World TV title qualifying match • | As Carpenter tried to stick, move and employ the five Ds early on, announce put over the fraught if respectable relationship both sides have had for months, including the Game Changers winning the Unified Tag Team championships over Einherjar.
Carpenter started the match at a disadvantage but caught a lucky break when the action spilled to the floor and they ducked a roundhouse kick that connected with the post to the shock and mild disgust of the crowd. The impact was so big that it would’ve crippled a normal man and even started causing QCWs resident Big Bad to limp slightly upon coming back to the ring. Dark Mirror showed off their ring generalship by focusing on the injured leg and pressed the Rev with several nearfalls, but when they tried to make the big man Look Inward he powered up and slowly got them into position then Tombstoned them into the mat. It took the better part of a ten count for both of them to stagger up, then the Revenant blocked a Carpenter attack and planted them with the Red Right Hand. That was enough for the victory, although Dark Mirror “kicked out” at what would have been 4 ½. ***
After the replays, the Revenant joined “These Hands” Roy Fade, the Women’s World Champion Lolo Vuitton, Anton “Teknik” Stahl, and…would you look at that…Einherjar in the ladder match at Cold As Hell to fill the vacant World TV title. Despite some fraught moments postmatch, ultimately the Immortals and Game Changers ended up shaking hands to the cheers of the crowd, the Game Changers ceding the ring while the Immortals exchanged sly smiles and maybe a little smacktalk between themselves; having dominated the tag division for so long, they are now bringing that same level of dominance with eyes on the World TV title. If they can keep it together in a couple of Sundays, there’s a one in three chance that the belt ends up as Killed By Death as most of the Immortals’ poor victims opponents.
We got a stinger for "Bollywood Diva" Sohla Patel, who was sitting pretty in a production chair that only had her first name on the back. She tossed her hair and smiled at the camera, informing us that she'd been away filming her latest opus; with production wrapping tonight, it's time she returns to the ring and blesses her lotus blossoms. With a new network and more exposure, it's the time for her to come back to the combat sports that helped her make a name. "Details to come, darlings. Ciao for now!" Sohla!
| • Jacques Krieger d. Atum Pharaoh • | Here's what happened: Atum charged at the bell and whiffed - massive leaping Krieger knee right under the jaw - Roll of the Dice. Fin.
S e v e n seconds, the second fastest win in QCW history. Is this a DUD or a HOLY FUCK?
Everybody freaked out, Starr hilariously saying he was going to start rooting for Krieger out of fear alone. Surprisingly, not only did Krieger stick around for more than getting his hand raised…he even asked Duck for the mic. And yes, the KRIEEEEEGEERRRRRRR chants means the people are probably wondering who's next.
Krieger said that he didn't have a plan for Cold As Hell, but he had an open contract. But a word of warning to anyone who stepped in between the ropes against him: he's had more wins than minutes in the ring, it's bad luck to test One Eye. Krieger headed to the back after that, while poor Atum was barely coming around and had to be informed by the referee that he didn't win the fight.
| • Lucius Patton (w/the College Park Family) ddq. Pyotr Caviar (w/the International Workrate Consortium) • | For the majority of the match it looked like the IWC were going to join the Immortals in having two bites at the TV title apple come Cold As Hell. It wasn’t a shock given that Patton’s had far more tag team than singles success and that once in Soviet Russia Caviar separated a Volkswagen with his bare hands (allegedly). It should’ve been a layup for Young Pyotr…and yet, despite his initial flurry Patton managed to not only stay alive but stretch the match past 10 minutes into a second segment to keep the Quality Controllers hopeful he could score the upset.
Down the stretch Patton looked like he was starting to rock Caviar with a flurry of chops and punches only to get absolutely obliterated by a running Caviar crossbody that made me Arena recoil and went to end it, but 2 ½ ain't 3. Caviar waited for the loopy Patton to get up then hit him with a Russian sickle that sent him corkscrewing through the air, but 2 ⅚ ain't 3, either. The crowd roared – Jupiter Jones at ringside pounded the mat while Serge barked out orders through the noise - Caviar took Patton around the ring before taking him down with Hit My Music.
Patton got his foot on the rope at the death causing another huge pop, Jupiter clapping his hands and encouraging Patton to stay in the fight. The referee informed the increasingly heated Pyotr about the foot on the ropes and the match continuing as he slowly pulled himself to his feet. Caviar looked sympathetic and nodded twice, then almost Russian sickled the zebra’s head into the third row. ** ½
And as it tends do sometimes in Parts Unknown, four different types of hell broke loose.
Caviar stood over the zebra’s body, yelling at him that he’d messed up, bro; then Serge hit the ring to inform Pyotr that the one who messed up was him, when he just threw away his s–and then both Jupiter and Lucius Patton were in there throwing hands on the two of them to the roars of the crowd. Duck made the announcement of Patton’s win and the bell kept ringing and they kept fighting – most notably, Anton Stahl and Jason the Terrible came into the fight and with the four on two advantage, the Consortium had Collipark on their knees.
That’s when “Unscripted Violence” hit, and everyone’s heads whipped towards the entryway for the arrival of the World Champ: Mason “Razorblade” Savage. But the Quality Controllers even louder roars gave away his location - he was coming down the stairs as fast he could sprint them, holding a barbed wire baseball bat in his right hand.
Savage vaulted the barrier, slid in the ring and swung until the Consortium had fled to the floor, but Savage stalked them in the ring and dared them to try and see what The Champ looked like with a short temper. He yelled that Serge was going to get Anton wrecked tonight, which is probably what he wanted after last week. As the chyron went up showing the final field for the ladder match (Einherjar/Fade/Patton/the Rev/Stahl/Vuitton) you could see Anton sort of side eye Serge, who was too busy yelling at the Champ to notice. Team Teal and some referees came out to separate the IWC from Razorblade & College Park, with the announce putting over the Savage v. Stahl main event still to come tonight.
From there, we went ALLTHEWAYTOTHEBACK~! into the parking garage, where Julius Duquesne III was standing by with the Game Changers, and JD3 asked them about what's next after tonight. Beckett gave reluctant kudos to the Revenant but then in a very un Tiki God move, Al Buffett took over and was focused on Pierce Moore. One lucky win over Jupiter and Pierce thinks he's the man, thinks it's cool to mock him? If Moore wants to stop posing for the cameras and has the pineapples to fight him, Al will make him less Dashing and bring the aloha. Al then apologized for his salty language before the Game Changers got into a Town Car leaving the Arena.
| • Katsuji Ootsuka d. "Swamp Trash" Ted Holland (w/the Red, White and True) • | Hard fought win for Ootsuka, who had to overcome attempted interference and the perpetually tricky Holland to notch this win. Ootsuka closed things out with his signature basement rana driver and a Magical Sky. ** ½
Katsuji had barely gotten his hand raised when Bobby lived up to his last name Bash and Drake Tremble wasn't far behind; the Red, White and True gang stomped Katsuji while Steve told the viewers that with the Proper Villains in Catch Hell tonight, the former TV champion didn't have his usual support. He was right: Bash, Holland and finally Tremble all hit their finishers before a few zebras finally came out to stop the carnage. "Stranglehold" blared while Tremble crowed about getting rid of another dirty cheating foreigner. Apologies to anyone who hears my eyes rolling.
Announce had the reactions to Tremble and crew's antics that you might expect, then hyped up next week's show:
🌟 With the PPV happening two days after, we'll be taking a special look at Cold As Hell 🌟
🌟 Autumn Powers gets her rematch against Lolo Vuitton for the Women's World Championship 🌟
🌟 And a massive eight person intergender match will be the last match before Cold As Hell; the College Park Family will team up to face off against the International Workrate Consortium's Serge Batroc & Pyotr Caviar as well as the Unified World Tag Team champions, the Insurgency of Super Avión and Nazir el-Fadal 🌟
But as Steve pointed out after the creepy whistling from Rammstein's Engel came up on the PA, the Consortium had to get through the toughest kind of fight - one against The Champ.
| • | • the main event • | • |
The Consortium came out in full, but the look was a little bit different; both due to his having the match and beating Serge Batroc in the qualifier last week, Anton "Teknik" Stahl carried himself and was treated like the point man for the IWC. Starr barely had time to notice and stir the pot by calling him "the once and possible future leader of the Consortium" before "Unscripted Violence" came on over the PA and the roof came off the Arena.
Despite the fact this was a non-title fight, the Thirteen Pounds of Gold banged off of Mason Savage's shoulder as he power stomped down to the ring with Quality Controllers slapping his shoulder and cheering raucously as Savage stepped into center ring and started jawing with Anton. The characteristically quiet Stahl looked offended at first but then (this is a guess) starting firing back at Savage, even pointing to Lucky 13 a couple of times before pointing to himself and getting chesty with Razorblade. Steve worried about things getting physical before we even got to the main event –
– so the last thing this moment needed was Arcarsenal.
And yet another pepper went into the gumbo as after a few beats, Nazir el-Fadal came out with his share of the Unified World Tag Team championships hanging loosely from his arm and if the events in the ring were affecting him he was going to great lengths not to show it. It was actually The Champ who had the first response to Naz's arrival, as he pivoted and dusted Anton with a meaty forearm shot. The zebra rang for the bell over the protests of the Consortium and things got underway.
| • Mason "Razorblade" Savage d. Anton "Teknik" Stahl in a non-title match • |
To the shock of this reporter, Naz wasn't a major factor in the match and technically didn't involve himself in it at all. (As the early part of the match happened he walked down to ringside, and he and Savage ended up in a staredown that gave Stahl an opening to sneak up on Razorblade and give him a release German on the floor, but Naz kept his hands clean for a change.)
That broke up what had been a mostly 50/50 match to that point, with both men showing some depth in the battle: Anton's never going to beat Savage in a brawl but held his own thanks to the velocity of his European uppercuts; Savage is never going to win a technical wrestler of the year award but was able to stymie and reverse some of Anton's early holds.
Post German, however, Anton was on the attack and going after Razorblade's neck with impact shots. The Champ had to escape a couple of nearfalls but managed to survive. The match turned on an unusual moment: an Irish whip.
Now, depending on your viewpoint, “the Wonderful” Rich Ward is either a savvy saboteur or an unwilling impediment - either way, since he wasn’t paying attention when Savage reversed the whip, Stahl ended up tripped up by Ward. Rich looked apologetic even as the rest of the Consortium flanked him and started giving him the business…completely ignoring the fact that in the ring, Savage scooped Anton up in a running Air Raid Crash and had however narrowly just pinned their boy. ***
Naz let out an audible choked off laugh when the bell rang, while the Consortium all got up on the apron and looked like they were going to dissect Razorblade when Serge waved them all down and they all surrounded Rich on the floor. Despite The Champ’s warnings and Rich’s apology, the Consortium jumped Rich and started laying into him; this of course drew Razorblade into the fray.
With a four on two happening, something would have to happen to even these odds.
Like some Bombs Over Baghdad, for example.
And out sprinted Jupiter Jones & Lucius Patton (well, moreso Sweet Lu) down the ramp to make the odds even and help out their occasional running buddies. Naz put his hands in the air and turned on his heel to walk away, but in and around the ring chaos was reigning – Pyotr Caviar’s bull run sent he and Razorblade through the barrier and almost ran over poor Duck in the process, and that was moments before Collipark sent Serge through the announce table in response (drawing a solid half minute of “HOLY SHIT!” chants). The show ended with the fight continuing amongst those who could still fight while both Steve & Starr tried to check their mics with choppy results.
Next week is the Women’s World Title rematch and what should be a chaotic eight person tag with the Game Changers teaming with the College Park Family to face Serge & Pytor of the Consortium and the Unified World Tag Team champions the Insurgency, but that’s a week out; Ruckus went off the air this week with the crowd cheering after Jupiter laid out Jason the Terrible with a Bolt From Olympus only for them to do a quick 180 when Anton dropped him from behind, and the fight continued presumably well after we faded to black on GRPL+.
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