QCW Ruckus presents Crush Groove [s1e9 • December 10, 2021]

The production values had apparently taken a nose dive to open the show, as we saw some shaky handheld footage of a very small ring in a very small place.  But it turned out it was a small town outside of Cincinnati and this was footage from April 2, 2001 of the first show of what was then the Crush Wrestling Enterprise, as tonight Crush Wrestling is absorbed into QCW. 

As Eve & Gwen Stefani’s “Let Me Blow Ya Mind” played in the background, some of Crush Wrestling’s hits played out: “Miss U.S.A.” Kendra Bryant winning a battle royale to become inaugural champion, her epic back and forths with “Dixie Queen” LaShondra Heyworth as they traded the belt multiple times in the first two years, starting to put women’s wrestling on the map in the Midwest - Heyworth turning heel (again) on Bryant after they had reconciled to regain the Crush Championship - the imposing Monstra, who’s surprising agility for a larger athlete made her the longest reigning champion at a whopping 773-day title reign - the appreciative crowd throwing streamers in the ring for the likes of Alexis LaRee, Sara del Rey and Amazing Kong - the tribute show for Bryant & Heyworth after their passing in a plane crash, Monstra making her only out of gimmick appearance in her career, weeping on the ramp and laying down the championship - rabid Crush fans - the arena lights blinking a total of twenty times for the last official Crush show two weekends ago in the promotion’s signature alternating orange and yellow - the series of Crush logos over the years - now cutting to signature action from the past year of Crush action from the athletes QCW is adding that you’ll see in the main event: 

• “Regular Human Earthling” Jane Doe, a woman who would be totally nondescript if not for her different colored eyes (one green, one blue), unflappability, preternatural agility, and the ability to freak her opponents out on the regular 
• “Bollywood Diva” Sohla Patel, who hasn’t met the high place yet she won’t jump off of 
• “Shieldmaiden” Val Curry, who takes out her understandable frustration over being perpetually in love with Jaime Lannister’s sorry ass out on her opponents (not exactly, buuuut real close) 
• Sara & Erica, the Angel Sisters, who ArRE herE tO Play SiLLly1111111 and I could not turn the knob fast enough to the right fucking creepy doll twins *shudder* 
• Jammerhead Shark!  Block Solid!  The tag team hot tub time machine that is Hell On Wheels, two chicks so bodasciously badass they got kicked out of Roller Derby for fighting too much; they make a lateral move here 
• “The Island Flower” Luz Cruz, who’s Asai moonsault has made her a fan favorite around the world and especially her native Puerto Rico, one of the last two women to hold the Crush Championship in a Bryant/Heyworthesque rivalry with 
• “The First Lady of Fitness” Karyn Tisch-Wheeler: The woman of a thousand hustles and backbreakers finally got on the roll of her career starting a couple of years ago when she married - not kidding - the now Scott Wheeler-Tisch.  He’s 60% smile, 40% ecotoplasm, and 143% smarm.  The designer reading glasses he wears to the ring that he doesn’t need cost more than your rent.  Her big new thing is the K2 Training Circuit replete with serums and lotions to keep your skin younger than you are, her Instagram is full of her doing her thrice a week squat workouts and who’s OnlyFans is…from what I’ve heard…worth the subscription fee.  And LOSES IT when you call her Karen.  How many times does she have to say it: the Y serves as the ACCent!

Cue up the Ruckus theme as the Crush stars have been introduced; does QCW have a welcome wagon to meet them at the battle royale?  Does the Pope shit in the woods?  Highlights of @smashleysmithofficial (I believe her legal name now), Spring Green, “Electric Android” Cindy Monet, Wendy Neverland, Bettie Rokker and Winter Wonderland get interrupted periodically by four red lights and the slow-mo cackling of the foursome known as the Forbidden Book Club–with 25% of the field, is it a matter of time before the Club have a chokehold on the battle royale?  And if so, which two of them will be the ones who survive the field…only to face off in a one-on-one #1 contenders’ match on next week’s show to see who gets the next title shot? Will one of the Crush stars win one last honor in the league’s dying moments, or will one of the QCW stars Ascend to the Throne and snatch the chance to become champion for themselves? Both?  Neither?   

Let’s Crush Groove and blow ya mind one more time. 

Orange and yellow pyro for twice as long as usual, Arena Quarantina awash in a sea of those colors and replica Crush Cloths being waved around, fans chanting “Thank You Crush”; a few fans already teary-eyed but gamely cheering through it as Steve Vandeblanche welcomes us to a very special Ruckus, but reminds us that even though Crush lays in rest that the fighting spirit it exemplified lives on, and QCW knows a bit about fighting in their own right… 

| • Dorothy Rubyslipper & Lolo Vuitton d. Mirror Mirror & QCW Women's Champion Summer Rose • | Stakes for this one is that it’s a twinning of two matches tomorrow night: Mirror/Rubyslipper and Vuitton going for Rose’s title.  ORDER NOW!  

Simply put, Mirror hung Rose out to dry here, but in a weird way that ended up influencing the finish: Mirror looked disinterested the entire time, and kept walking up and down the steps in the background while Rose ate the offense from one and then the other, and that was before the tandem offense. So when an exhausted Rose tagged in, you can imagine everyone’s shock when Mirror immediately tagged back out and rolled under the ring.  They didn’t reappear during the match, and Rose fell victim to them both pulling off their finisher on her in the span of the last five second tag window (a nasty short range Yakuza kick had Rose in position for the Curb Stomp Dorothy ended the match with off a blind tag)  ** Then everybody got up in everybody’s business. 

Lolo looked like she was going to throw down with Dorothy for the sneak pin when Wendy Neverland ran down to defend her stablemate, a tense situation interrupted by Mirror, who began by sarcastically saying bravo but pity the fairytale princess couldn’t have beaten her at Devil’s Night when it counted.  Mirror skulked away from the ring as refs ran down the ramp keeping everyone away from everyone else inside & outside of the ring, which meant that Mirror had full range on a live mic that a) heard Dorothy yell “I’m not a peasant, I’m a QUEEN!” as they headed up the ramp and said the types of things that certainly aren’t going to get them suspended or fined or fired nope indeedy: 

Let them wait.  If I have to wait for them to recognize that gender is a spectrum and not binary, then they can wait for me to step into their condescending little dollhouse.  mister Holmes don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, buying Crush - the most #notallmen in the wrestling world, brimming with Instagirls, beautiful Latina athletes, big titty goth girls? I don’t know what made you want to condescend to offer me a slot playing in a real life version of your browser history but I’d rather not, thanks. 

What’s wrong, Scott?  What so unnerves you about a wrestler when they don’t subscribe to the gender divide inherent in the sport? I mean, back when they would seek validation for themself by posing in thongs that sure seemed to get that like button smashed. That’s not who they are now, and if there is punishment to be made because they don’t play the game and because certain Commissioners get hot even when they’re dressed more like Ken than Barbie?  Do you think you can keep me confined to the women’s division forever like one of your little crushes –  

-and there’s a dead mic, and then a  

    HAVING TECHINCAL DIFFICULTIES

PLEASE STAND BY 

 

Steve Vandeblache eventually came back on the air (I think it was a minute, maybe two), and once he confirmed he was back on the air apologized for the dropped signal and began to go over some of the big matches we’ll see at Yule Be Sorry; lest we forget, the undefeated Vuitton goes against Rose for the Women’s Championship, Can Jupiter Jones find his signature championship magic and lead the College Park Family back to the QCW Tag Team Championships? Is Razorblade’s time to take the Twelve Pounds of Gold now?  Will Nazir regain the championship he feels he was robbed of?  If Mayhem can’t count on Razorblade’s help in a triple threat match for the QCW World Title, can he find a way to walk out of Chicago with the gold?  Tiki God takes on These Hands, Toddzilla vs. Party Animal, and an hour long preshow tomorrow night with a couple more matches as a holiday gift for the QCW fan.  Catch us at 8 Pacific on Pay-Per-View! 

| • Ascent to the Throne Battle Royale • | As it turned out, Wendy Neverland was already in the ring, and after she steadily started amping up the crowd to fill up some of the dead air the 20-woman battle royale began having introductions (Justine slotted into the position Mirror Mirror gave up) where the final two women standing have a #1 contendership match on next week's Ruckus.  Keep in mind there’s a bunch of pre-existing rivalries at play in this last hurrah. 

*-*-* the battle royale began with everyone from Crush on one side of the ring and QCW on the other, but when the bell rang everyone stuck to their side – all the old rivalries rekindled *-*-* 

*-*-* that ended when the Shieldmaiden broke free of the Angel Twins and double clotheslined both Neverland and Winterland, thus starting a chain of QCW stalwarts facing off against the Crush emigres *-*-* 

*-*-* @smashleysmithofficial & Justine formed a couple of brief alliances, most notably in fighting off the Angel Sisters*-*-* 

*-*-* After being surrounded by the Forbidden Book Club, Block Solid and Hammerhead Shark began fighting and eliminated each other*-*-* 

*-*-* After being surrounded by the FBC, Winter & Spring Green began to fight each other until Winter seemingly snapped out of it, and snapped Green out of it.  They eliminated the FBC a few minutes later with help from Curry.*-*-* 

*-*-*Curry then eliminated Green and as a consequence squared off with Wonderland while late addition Justine used the fight to her advantage and turfed Winter from behind before Curry eliminated Justine*-*-* 

*-*-*the field briefly banded together to eliminate Curry*-*-* 

*-*-* Jane Doe and Cindy Monet had a long apron sequence where they mirrored the other, then afterwards briefly worked together to eliminate Sohla Patel before Monet eliminated Doe *-*-* 

*-*-*the final four were Cruz, Monet, Neverland, and Tisch-Warren *-*-* 

*-*-*Monet got swatted out of the air by Neverland and tossed*-*-* 

*-*-*a few moments after that, Tisch-Warren went after Cruz (who ducked) but connected with Neverland, Cruz trying to throw them both over but only succeeding in helping KTW eliminate Wonderland, the final Crush champions unwittingly securing the W for their now former fed *-*-* 

Your winners, “the Island Flower” Luz Cruz & “the First Lady of Fitness” Karyn Tisch-Warren.  

They’ll face off next week in a #1 contenders match, but why wait when we hate each other now?  Officials and suits had to come in and separate the long time rivals, both alternating between yelling at the other and making the gesture of a belt around their waist.  But that’s next Friday, and Yule Be Sorry is tomorrow night.  Be there.  Aloha. 

Next: Yule Be Sorry PPV

QCW Ruckus presents the Festival of Fights [s1e8 • December 3, 2021]

Missed you, Ruckus.   

Even better for us QCW fans, this week’s show is a special two-hour edition with limited commercial interruptions called the Festival of Fights (which for longtime fans calls back to last year).  The now usual Ruckus opening highlight stinger aired, followed by pyro and a throw to the announce, Starr still sporting a (slightly lighter) black eye.  The QCW World Champion is in the building and main eventing tonight against QCW’s newest signing, Cruzado del Oro - and rumors are flying that the office of Scott Holmes is going to have another major announcement tonight that’ll change the future of QCW as we know it.   

But enough talk.  Let’s rassle. 

| • Roy “These Hands” Fade & Toddzilla d. “Tiki God” Al Buffet & Party Animal • | Seeing Buffet and PA together is like if Revenge of the Nerds and Police Academy were the same movie.  As the babyfaces came to the ring, Steve noted on commentary that Animal/Toddzilla was signed for the PPV next week off of the IpeClaw Incident.  The white hats got along better than the black hats, but the heels had Todd’s Grade A beef to lean on, which Fade did frequently whenever he thought he was losing the advantage.  It looked like he was going to turn on Fade a couple of times, but if that happens, it’ll be down the road; Fade provided a distraction of the referee after landing a cheap shot that sent Animal crashing into the barricade. With that opening, Toddzilla put Al through the announce table with a two-handed choke bomb, drawing “Holy shit!”  chants. Toddzilla walked away from the wreckage, the referee heard something and saw the table but didn’t see it, and Fade rolled out to gather Buffet before throwing him back in the ring and pinning him.   ** ½ 

Fade got the mic post-match, leaned over Al and said pro wrestling is BS (BOO THIS MAN!) and goofs like him prove it.  Fade dropped the mic and headed to the back, but before he got there Tiki God (still splayed out in the ring but with his eyes on Fade) grabbed the mic and said if Fade wasn’t playing Hide Behind Mongo the whole time he would’ve gotten his ass kicked.  Crowd liked that, as well as his subsequent challenge for a one-on-one at the PPV to prove he wasn’t just the latest hype hiding behind a land monster.  Fade not only gleefully accepted, but noted that once he whipped Al’s ass again he’d be in line for the TV championship, and there was nothing less BS than winning belts, something he’s done his whole life and Al couldn’t even spell.  Fade scoffed and went to the back as Buffett pulled himself up with the ropes, smiling a little. 

| • El Perro de Diablo d. Jupiter Jones • | Both Lucius and the rest of Mas Hysteria were banned from ringside for this singles match leading into the tag title defense at the PPV.  The former QCW Champion was in control for most of the match and went for the springboard Superman punch Bolt from Olympus to end it, but Perro dodged it slightly and countered with El Comillo (the mandible claw).  Jones struggled in the hold and almost took out the ref in the process but pulled up, then Perro lost his grip and almost blindsided the ref himself.  When he realized he didn’t and that the ref was covered up and couldn’t see him, Jones got mule kicked right between the uprights and pinned.  **  Perro smiled evilly and held up the title over the recovering Jones before heading to the back. 

Over to the announce, who provided more details on the TV title tournament: it’ll start on the 17th, with the bracket reveal and two quarter finals.  The Christmas Eve show will have the other quarterfinals, the semis on the New Year’s Eve show, and then the finals at Cold As Hell next month.  They also revealed that the television championship will be defended on every episode of Ruckus, then saved the biggest thing for last: anyone who makes 10 successful consecutive TV title defenses can then forfeit the championship...by cashing it in for a World Title shot. 

Wherever they want it. 

Whenever they want it. 

But they still have to defend the TV belt every week, and if they lose it before they go for the World Title cash in, then obviously they lose that opportunity and that’s on them.  So the TV title isn’t just a secondary title, it can be a literal physical springboard to getting and winning the QCW World Championship.  Going to be really interesting to see next year who the champions end up being, if any of them can make it to 10, will the first cash in be successful or fail... 

| • Lolo Vuitton d. Winter Wonderland • | Vuitton had her toughest challenge to date in her first match that went over five minutes.  Winter got a couple near falls in, but Lolo rallied and took over, eventually drilling her with the Bloody Shoe.  Check, please.  * ½  Post match Vuitton started slapping around the fallen Winter - cue the QCW Women’s Champion Summer Rose for the save.  She ran off Lolo and then checked on Winter and then BLAM! Enzui Bloody Shoe to the champion, who then got herself slapped around a couple of times by Vuitton before Lolo held up the Women’s championship and basked in the boos of the crowd.  “Starting next weekend, this is mine full time!  I run this!” 

The announcers had an easy throw to other developments in the women’s division: namely that after the shitty Forbidden Book Club Thanksgiving meeting, Bella Bathory and Dom DeSade not only broke up publicly, but did so over Twitter in a series of increasingly blurred Tweets (presumably due to NSFW language).  What this means for Bella next is unknown.  Hey, speaking of the Forbidden Book Club… 

| • Bonnie “Equinox” Agrippa df. Mirror Mirror • | So here’s something: the first forfeit in QCW history.  FBC out first, then Mirror Mirror after the third time their music was cued up out in street clothes.  Mirror stated that since the office wanted to disrespect them, they were going to disrespect the division they’ve been trying to avoid getting shunted into.  They aren’t a woman’s wrestler, or a man’s wrestler - just a professional wrestler.  But when they decide.  So congrats, new girl, here’s a free win.  Mirror left and the FBC cackled - but when they left the ring, the lights in the arena turned pink, blinked four times, then went back to normal.  Expect some kind of Polycule/FBC match at the PPV. 

| • Lucius Patton d. El Gato Negro • | As per the other singles match earlier in the show, seconds banned from ringside.  This one was closer to a coin flip until it wasn’t, Patton managing to get control late and establish dominance before putting Gato away with a pair of his Bass Drop standing moonsault powerslams.  But wait, there’s more… **  

Since the matches were over, so was the edict.  Más Hysteria came out to three on one Lucius; cue Jupiter Jones and a couple of chairs for the save.  Jupiter managed to land some good shots to a couple of them as well as buy time enough for Lucius to recover and get in some swings of his own.  The luchadores scattered and took their belts with them, yelling from the ramp at the babyfaces holding down the ring chairs in hand.  Jupiter is trying to become the first person in QCW’s modern era to hold two different belts (well, depending on what you think about Naz), the College Park Family want the tag belts back, and Más Hysteria is suddenly in danger of falling off the mountaintop almost as soon as they got there.  Should be fun times at the PPV; might even steal the show. 

Before the main, we went TOTHEBACK~! where Enya was with QCW World Heavyweight Champion Mayhem.  He said he would be different, which meant he wouldn’t back down from a challenge, run away from a fight, or use any gimmicks.  Since Crusazdo challenged him, he would fight and win again, because that’s what he’s been doing - that’s how he got to be champion.  And he would walk out of the PPV champion, but hoped afterwards Mason would give him that handshake.  Ego can only carry a man so far, he’s got to do the rest on his own.  His parting words were for Naz to be careful with the WMDDT, you’ll shoot your eye out, kid.  Mayhem left for the main with far more boos than he started out the interview with, but the majority of the fans cheered him on. 

| • Mayhem NC Crusazdo del Oro • | Crusazdo came out to Metalchi's “Epic” with the Reso golden pyro shower behind him, but to something of a lukewarm reaction.  Mayhem got all the noise from the whole building (seems tonight’s booing section is predominantly middle aged smarks, which tracks).  Mayhem went to the buckles to pose with the title, Crusazdo pulled him off, and the referee had a problem keeping them apart before the bell rang.   

Once the bell rang “Don’t Even Trip” hit, causing an eye roll from Mayhem as Nazir el-Fadal came out, and as Mayhem did a couple weeks ago, pulled out a chair and watched from the stage.  Since Mayhem’s eye was off of the ball at this point, Crusazdo hit Mayhem with a springboard rana and a series of armdrags that had Mayhem bailing out to the floor.  It wasn’t like he was safe there, either, because Crusazdo hit a God-level Asai moonsault to the champion to oohs, aahs, and applause (even Naz’s in the background).  Crusazdo had control early after that, Mayhem trying to hold him off and then having to bail again but this time saw Crusazdo coming and dodged him, making the luchador tope into the barrier (YEEEEOUCH).  After that point, Mayhem worked over the neck of Crusazdo - nothing illegal, but it started drawing the sympathy needed to get the crowd behind Oro and it’s not like Mayhem isn’t willing to get dirty to win.  Mayhem grounded Crusazdo and started gaining momentum, then drilled the smaller man with a lariat and went up for the senton bomb.  He ate knees.  Crusazdo started coming back, almost winning the match with a double springboard into a huracanrana with a pin.  The match started veering closer to three segments as Mayhem and Crusazdo collided mid-ring both going for crossbodies at the same time. 

It was at this moment Nazir decided to ruin everything, running down to the ring and going after both competitors.  This is why we can’t have nice things.  ** 

Well, going after is a broad term: he threw Crusazdo under the bottom rope where he went splut on the floor and then just went after Mayhem with kicks and then got in a mount and punched away at him with both hands.  Nazir did the throat slash across Mayhem’s neck and was about to go for the WMDDT when Mason Savage’s music hit.  Nazir threw Mayhem down and waved Razorblade down...only to get laid out from behind as Mason came in through the cheering crowd (getting the biggest pop of the night in the process) as he went after Naz, eventually sending him from the ring after a pump kick.  Razorblade yelled out excitedly while Naz fumed from the floor, then went to help up Mayhem, who uppercutted him in the theme park to boos.  Mayhem looked aghast even as Mason was falling, obviously thinking it was Naz, but that didn’t candy bacon any of the audience’s donuts, who were now letting him have it with both barrels.  Mayhem got bleeped a few times and kicked a bottom rope, shaking his head before pulling Razorblade back up in apology -- it just never came out as Savage hit him with an Air Raid Crush in the middle, drawing an even bigger pop than he had gotten earlier.  Clutching at his theme park, Mason looked conflicted (as well as a guy who’d just gotten his junk punched) as he looked at Mayhem...looked around the ring...then saw Nazir sitting on a top turnbuckle, clutching the World Championship greedily to his chest and cackling over the former tag partners fighting each other.  Announce was quick to point out that if he steals a win at the PPV like this, then he becomes the first two-time World Champion in QCW’s history. This isn’t going to be a handicap match - now it is every man for himself, champ v. former champ v. future champ (?) with the Twelve Pounds of Gold on the line.  Gotta buy that PPV, kiddies! 

The show ended in a rare place: the office of Scott Holmes.  He sat on the edge of his desk and said that while he didn’t like being on TV as much as he might have thought he would in the beginning, that he did love being able to drop early presents for the QCW faithful.  While Ruckus was going on, he finalized a deal for QCW to absorb one of the brightest lights of women’s wrestling in the Midwest, the Crush promotion out of Cincinnati.  That purchase changes the programming, as next week will not only feature exclusively women’s wrestling with the new Crush signees, but that the evening will be called Crush Groove in memory of the now former federation.  Furthermore, to honor the 20-year history that Crush embodied, there will be a 20-woman battle royale main eventing next week’s Ruckus with the last two women standing then going one on one at Cold As Hell to determine the next #1 contender for the Women’s Championship.  It’s exciting times for QCW, and hopefully the fans enjoy next week’s show just as much as this week’s Festival of Fights.  Season’s beatings to all, and to all a good fight.   

That ended the show.  WELP! 

Next: QCW Ruckus presents Crush Groove