QCW Ruckus [s1e16 • January 28th, 2022]

Let Us Take You Back To Last Week: absolute Forbidden Book Club domination, not only advancing in the Women’s World Tag Team title tourney, but Nancy Crowley pinning Summer Rose in a tag match to get a shot at the gold tonight • Serge Batroc taking the helm of the International Workrate Consortium only to be cut off and challenged by the Wonderful Ward Brothers •  Nazir piling on Tiki God in his TV title defense, with Mirror Mirror making the save, Naz taunting them from the crowd with both the title and a middle finger in the air…

Pyro!  Ballyhoo!  Etc!  The usual suspects welcomed us to the show and were in the process of running down the big matches tonight when they were cut off by Siouxie & the Banshees’ “This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us”, bringing out Mirror Mirror to their usual mixed, loud reaction – dunno if you heard, but this is Friday night and it’s alright for fighting.

| • Mirror Mirror (w/”Tiki God” Al Buffet ds. Danny Castle • | Just to further underscore the gulf between the former tag champions, while Serge is ascending and a literal leader of men, Castle is lost and adrift; the asswhooping he got here won’t help that, either.  Pretty much a redux of the Williams squash from last week, with the added wrinkle that Mirror set up Look Inward with a very familiar-looking cobra clutch suplex.  (Al’s facial reaction is the stuff of GIFs.)  Mirror hung on for a couple beats after the ref called for the bell, because of course they did.  SQUASH

But Siouxie was cut off pretty quickly by some very…slow…clapping.  

That was all the World TV champion needed by way of a theme, coming out to a raucous ovation (of boos) and sporting yet another different WHERE IS MAYHEM? shirt.  “Congratulations, Mirror!  Another dominating victory over some future Starr.  Why, you may earn a shot at my title some time this decade.”  Mirror waved Nazir on to the ring, sitting between the middle and top rope.  “Me?  In a two on one against?  Not hardly.  YOUR REAL World’s Champion likes it when the odds are a bit more even.”  Naz’s subsequent grin was too wide to be friendly.  “I suspect in a few seconds, even with the odds evened, you won’t like the outcome.”

Nobody knew WTF Naz was talking about until Mirror was suddenly being pulled to the floor by @smashleysmithoffical, who proceeded to throw Mirror into the stairs, while Dom DeSade came from the crowd and beat Al like a rented goalie, sending him from the ring as Naz cackled and left.  @ threw Mirror into the ring and she & Dom were set to double team them (phrasing, sorry) when Al re-emerged with his own way of making the odds even: a kendo stick.  He cleared the ring of Dom after a barrage of shots, then teased hitting @, only to hand over the stick to Mirror, who threw it down and got into a ready stance.  Discretion being the better part of valor, the Polyculists headed to the back and Al got on the mic, more furious than we’d ever heard: “Naz!  Get your sorry ass excuse for a champion back out…”

Mirror holds up a finger, and Tiki shuts up.

“What the big man meant to say was, rather than paying people to attack me and/or tolerate your endless rambling, why don’t you put down your security blanket of a mic, pick up your ticking clock of a TV belt, and take a moment to … LOOK INWARD?” That thread dangled in the air heading to commercial…

…but we came back to chaos: almost a dozen security agents were out, standing between Mirror/Al & Naz while the crowd booed lustily--those that weren’t chanting “Let them fight!”  Mirror & Al were being led away towards the back, and Naz was fuming on the floor ringside, probably because Mirror told him this wasn’t anywhere near over for what he did to Al last week.  Naz grabbed the microphone and stood on the stairs, saying that it was hilarious the rabble was chanting “Let them fight!” when Al didn’t put one up last week and Mirror and main event fights go together like peanut butter & Chong.  It’d been a while, but for the main event tonight, since Naz’s hackles were up and he’d fight anybody in the mood he was in, he was making an open challenge to DARE anyone on that horizontal ladder of mediocrity in the back to take his belt from him.  If Al wanted to get dropped on his head again, great, if Bec—MIRROR, sorry, wanted to get dropped on THEIIIIIIR head, he owes them one, anybody else, let’s go.  The last time he made an open challenge he ended Toddzilla’s undefeated streak and what’s happened to him since?  So whoever takes him up on the challenge better be ready for a long, slow slide that ends up at the announce desk if they’re fool enough to step to the Triple Crown Jewel of QCW. SHOO, RABBLE, SHOO!

(They did not.)

| • The International Workrate Consortium (Serge Batroc & Anton “Teknik” Stahl (w/”King Carny” Richard Windsor) d. The Wonderful Ward Brothers • | Good reaction for the Wards’ Ruckus debut; the IWC, now following more of Serge’s lead, came out in jackets cut from similar cloth but each representing each man’s home country with a couple of chevrons down the front with their flag’s secondary colors.  The Wards started off hot, trying to get back into title contention and with more experience as a unit than this version of the IWC.  At one point, frustrated with how the match was going, Serge actually slapped Windsor and made him go to the back.  Ironically enough, without Windsor things gelled smoother for Serge & Stahl, though the Wards were keeping pace with them after they got back to even.  The end came when Serge fell victim to the Dynamic Express but Stahl made the save at 2.9999; Jason Ward felt that was three and was arguing with the ref when Stahl almost shoved him into the zebra.  The ref pulled up - which gave Serge the opening to land a thunderous uppercut right in the timbits, followed up by the Arc de Triomphe for the win.  ***

Rich went after the IWC while Jason recovered, but they beat him down and tied him up in the ropes as Windsor came back out with a chair in hand and Serge kicked Jason down to ringside.  His new boss yelled out “Silence him!” so he did - Richard wrapped the chair around Jason’s neck and threw him into the ringpost, the crowd gasping in shock and even more so as Jason started bleeding profusely from the mouth.  Serge chuckled as they let Rich go, who immediately ran to his brother while screaming and getting bleeped in the process calling for medical help.  The EMTs were out as Jason was put on a stretcher that the Consortium surrounded, Serge yelling “Long live the IWC!” before they let it pass and take him to a medical facility.  The upgraded, more cutthroat IWC under Serge’s leadership preach ring techniques and do things like this?  Deplorable!  And chicanerous!

TOTHEBACK~! after commercials, where Enya Face was with the Immortals.  A monitor was on behind them as they blew through a case of brews. Einherjar said her talents were being wasted on drudge work, but their reaction to facing These Hands & Toddzilla tonight was amusement.  The Revenant had a deep, sinister laugh while glaring at the camera, E noting the last time he saw TR laugh was before he was hung.  Fade might be a sad jest with limited, but interesting skills, and he’s been victorious against equals.  E then completely ethered Toddzilla (seems to be going around tonight) calling him a sad sideshow clown who’s record was thinner than the Revenant’s patience.  The big man crushed the beer bottle in his hand as Einherjar noted that since Scott Holmes put these sacrifices in front of them, they would take these sacrifices and show that death…is only the beginning.  He then bade Enya good night, as they had strategy to discuss.  As Enya left their locker room, she noticed The Sound of Thunder outside in the hallway, “Shieldmaiden” Val Curry especially giving slow smirks and intrigued glances to the Immortals.  QCW may be growing by leaps and bounds but it might want to do something to curb the amount of budding necrophiliacs it’s employing.

| • Summer Rose [c] d. “The Cauldron of Chaos” Nancy Crowley to retain the QCW Women’s World Championship • | The rest of the Forbidden Book Club was banned from ringside for the first title match of the evening.  Crowley put up a hellacious fight and even managed to avoid the Come Up but the end came when the champ dodged out of the way of the Third Eye Blinder and connected with the Come Up for another victory in her ledger.  The announce was putting over the happy but exhausted Rose as QCW’s longest reigning champion when Karyn Tisch-Warren came out with her husband You Know-Who and shook her head disapprovingly from the apex of the ramp, though they bailed when it looked like Summer was going to come after them.  ** ½

A brief moment of respite from the constant enmity, as we went to the announce, who went to…no bullshit, TMZ.  (And good for QCW for making it far enough to be on TMZ?  Hurray, I guess?)  Anyhow, Party Animal was seen leaving a Parts Unknown liquor store with a case of Topo Chico, thus causing a press release from White Claw that PA was no longer being considered as a spokesman?  Is–is this a heel turn?

| • The Immortals d. “These Hands” Roy Fade” & Toddzilla • | Bizarrely enough, the TMZ clip helped play into the finish here.  Toddzilla had superplexed the Revenant, almost causing the ring to collapse when “Oh Yeah” came on, bringing out Party Animal who was both clearly inebriated and angry, demanding the Quarantron flay the pootage!  It showed PA from the security cam, yelling out that the store was out of Claw, and how was he supposed to have a Tuesday night without his Claw?  Fine, give him the Topo, whatever.  So no heel turn.  Fade came down from the apron to get PA to shut up by punching him in the face; Animal took the blow full-on then uncorked an eleven second burp that had Fade woozy from the fumes before both of them started fighting, Steve remembering that not only had Party beaten Toddzilla at Yule Be Sorry but that PA had ended QCW’s 2021 by pinning Fade in a fatal four-way.  Speaking of pinning, left on his own against the undead buzzsaw, Toddzilla would get pinned after walking through Death’s Door, the spiked Tombstone putting another W in the Immortals’ win column.  ** As the Immortals death glared the camera, the lights turned red – flickered four times – reset.

After that, Steve & S. Mark had a satellite interview with “the Island Flower” Luz Cruz.  She apologized that they were interviewing her at her Coral Gables home rather than inside Arena Quarantina, but she couldn’t get cleared to compete this week.  [Let Us Take You Back To Last Week where she missed an Orihara moonsault and became one with the guardrail yeeouch] But she really appreciated the QCW fans who sent her all the kind messages on social media, and was especially happy that her old friend Sohla had come down with the medical team to check on her.  Truth be told, maybe everyone else was worried a little too much, because that’s what she’s been doing since she was a kid, jumping off of high places - just usually more successfully than that.  But one missed moonsault wasn’t going to stop her.  It’s how she got out of the barrio - how she became a two-time Crush Wrestling champion - and kudos to Summer for another successful defense, but the moment she gets clearance she’s coming for that title no matter how great a champion Summer has been for QCW.  Luz was cut off by the loud laughter of Starr, who wondered how she was going to win a title match when she couldn’t even get up off her couch.  Luz noted she’s won more title matches than Starr ever did, and somehow seconds later the feed was mysteriously cut.  Odd!

| • Science Fiction Double Feature (“Regular Human Being” Jane Doe & “the Electric Android” Cindy Monet d. The Sound of Thunder (“Shieldmaiden” Val Curry & “Death Metal” Bettie Rokker in a first round Women’s World Tag Team title tournament match • | Probably the best of the first round matches so far, both teams wearing white hats and being hybrid units both part Crash and part QCW.  It was a coin flip throughout the two segments it went.  SFDF ended up taking the duke by being smart enough to employ the five d’s when Curry was involved, then isolated Rokker until they had her set up to shut it down, Doe tagging in Cindy as they polished her off with Cindy’s Tightrope into Jane’s Standard Finisher (Your Standard Tandem Finisher?) to get the duke.  *** Handshakes all around as the Features celebrated their victory and absconded to the back in search of refreshing celebratory beverages; as Thunder were leaving, guess what happened to the lights four times before they went out?  Anybody up for an Immortals on a pole match?

Ahead of the open challenge main event, the announce teased next week’s matches, and there will be another two title matches on the first Ruckus in February as in addition to the TV title, the World Tag Team titles will be defended - the College Park Family taking on the revamped and dangerous International Workrate Consortium, and we have the final first round match in the Women’s World Tag Title tournament with the Angel Sisters facing off against the Storybookers.  "Arcarsenal" cut off whatever Starr was going to say.  I’m sure it was a coincidence.

| • WORLD TV TITLE OPEN CHALLENGE • | As Naz was taking off his WIM? shirt, Metalachi’s cover of Epic started coming over the PA, causing the champion to hang his head and give a rueful chuckle at his opponent, someone who he knew since the last time they’d seen each other Naz was lifting the Lucha Libre de Reyes World Title off of him three months ago.  

Crusazdo del Oro rushed down to ringside and before the bell could even ring, got the faithful fired up with a springboard dropkick that sent Naz to the floor and then followed it up with a low tope that sent Naz over the announce, wiping out Starr in the process (talk about babyface moves).  Crusazdo grabbed the mic and said “¡Desde que robaste mi campeonato favorito, voy a obtener un campeonato nuevo – TU CAMPEONATO!” “ (since Naz took his old favorite belt, he’d get a new one by taking this one off of Naz, thank you QCW Fanboard)  The crowd might not have gotten the promo entirely but got the gist when the index point at Naz and ¡TU CAMPEONATO! happened, and what reprobate roots for Naz anyhow?

The bell rang and Crusazdo threw Naz into the ring; when Naz rolled out, Crusazdo tracked his movements and then drilled him with a baseball slide.  Naz might not have gotten off an offensive move that wasn’t an eye rake in the opening five minutes, Oro swarming him with his speed, armdrags and headscissors variants.  At one point, Naz was literally begging off only to be answered with a dropkick.  However, when Oro went for a more standard tope, Naz cut him off mid-air with the MurderDiscusKill elbow then tried to win by countout.  Oro rolled in at 8 and Naz immediately went to stomp him out.  Down the stretch, Naz tried to go for Thoughts and Prayers but Oro did the ropewalk into pinfall counter for a close nearfall.  Oro went for his signature phoenix splash but Naz got crotched him on the top rope.  When they fought up there, Oro got the upper hand and dropped Naz, then uncorked Pajaera del Sol; Naz got his knees up and small packaged Oro for an even tighter nearfall.  Naz immediately went to the MDK well and whiffed, Oro drilled him with a reverse rana and connected with the Pajaero.  The ref counted three, Oro celebrated, the fans celebrated – and then all the air came out of the ballon as the ref noticed Naz’s foot on the ropes, and he waved off the decision and celebration.  Oro pleaded with the ref, and Naz tried to sneak up on him with the cobra clutch.  Oro went for the ropewalk but Naz took the rug out from under him mid-move and left him in the Tree of Woe.  Naz hit a short-range dropkick, then one from corner to corner, then a second corner to corner one even faster and harder.  Naz did the throat slash and went for the WMDDT—Oro reversed out into his own small package, getting another two count but Naz rolled through and then out into the WMDDT.  Clearly a little shell shocked and gasping for air, Naz crawled over to Oro, snatched him up by the mask, and hit a second WMDDT to put a button on his third title defense.  *** ½

But don’t cue “Arcarsenal” – hey, you know any M.I.A. World Champions into nine inch nails?  Say, "Wish"?  The roof came off the dump as Mayhem’s theme music hit, Naz’s face turning white before his head now dropped again.  No rueful chuckle here, just unvarnished cowardice.  Naz looked to the ref and pleaded, then looked to the ramp, where Mayhem…

…wasn’t coming out yet.  But!

…well, still not out…oh, there’s a rustle, maybe?

Naz’s look turned from fearful to a smirk. Then a long laugh.  Then a deep cackle as he rolled out of the ring.  Yes, he did grab the mic, more of his cackling getting drowned out by the boos from the crowd.  “Idiots!  The LOT of you, idiots!  A simple question for you monkeys: 

WHERE

IS

MAYHEM?

WHEEERRREEEE IS MAYHEM?!?!

…oh, right.  I don’t care, because the REAL!  World’s!  Champ!  Is!  HEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”  Cackling his way back up the aisle, Naz proudly held up his World Televsion title.  It helped block some of the trash being thrown at him.   We’ll see you next week for Ruckus, which will hopefully have a happier ending.  

Next: s1e17 Ruckus

QCW Ruckus [s1e15 • January 21st, 2022]

Recap of last week to open the show, including Naz “successfully” defending the TV title against Party Animal with “These Hands” Roy Fade & “The Fury” Jim Jaspers both going after him, the competition for QCW’s newest title (and possible slingshot to the World Title) already well underway with the countdown until Naz can cash in the TV title at 9 – he’ll be defending against the Tiki God in tonight’s main event.

Standard open, pyro, usual suspects.  It’s Friday nights, and we fight, so let’s (sorta kinda) pick up from where we left off last week, shall we?

| • “These Hands'' Roy Fade NC “the Fury'' Jim Jaspers • | Jim came back last week from his share of maternity leave, the production team posting a couple pictures from Jim’stragram to show off him and his precious newborn daughter.  He & Fade both have beef with Naz - both want to be TV champion - both polish off their opponents with knee strikes - and there’s your contretemps.  Match went back and forth, with a slight advantage to Jaspers.  But he couldn’t connect with Fury Road; similarly, Fade whiffed on an attempt at the Decision - and the whole thing got thrown out when a decidedly pissed-off looking Party Animal laid out Jaspers.  When Fade celebrated this, he ate the Claw (the hold, not the beverage) and the ref tossed it.  ** ½  Having left Jaspers & Fade laid out, Party Animal went back up the ramp to mostly cheers, though some diehard Fury fans were heard & seen booing.  

Over to the announce team, who announced that both QCW World Champion Mayhem & Mason “Razorblade” Savage had almost completely recovered from their car accident suffered the night of the PPV and should both be getting released from the Toronto hospital they were in by weekend’s end.  Dueling chants for them broke out from the audience upon the news, Razorblade’s supporters having a bit more bass in their voice…

| • Mirror Mirror ds. Martin Williams • | No Al with Mirror, as he presumably gets ready for the main event title shot.  Didn’t need him - Williams came out to no music, no pomp and circumstance, and got in almost no offense.  Mirror clearly reveled in beating on Williams and took the referee’s count to 4 on multiple occasions.  Look Inward cinched the victory in just under six minutes. SQUASH 

As Mirror made it to the ramp, Al came out and they exchanged a specialized high five before heading to the back together.  Gotta wonder what would happen to their relationship(?) if Al beat Naz tonight and put himself closer to a World Title shot than Mirror…

Back from commercials (including one for K2 Circuit Training), the ring was covered in red, white and blue bunting, as Anton “Teknik” Stahl admitted that while he lost last week, he lost cleanly to someone who proved that not only were they on his level, but they had been weighed down by a shoddy tag partner too long.  Now that he freed himself of that yoke, he could find himself with equals – the NEW leader of the International Workrate Consortium, Serge Batroc!  Serge came out to a loud, mixed reaction that only crystallized when he noted that he had been getting cheers from these people who barely knew what a clothesline was, let alone the art that men of his, Anton, and Richard put forth in this ring.  A bunch of drunken yokels more in tune with Motley Crue cover bands than with Mozart.  Look at what just happened to Williams, humiliated and beaten by a thing pretending to be a wrestler.  Well, the International Workrate Consortium doesn’t hide behind a mask, and they’ve cut the dead weight.  QCW should prepare themselves for true wrestling put on by the finest purveyors of it across the world, and gold will be theirs sooner rather than later, and not just the titles you might expect either.  Vive le Serge, but more importantly – Long Live The IWC!  

Crowd disliked it until Kenny Powers was shitting gold these days, meaning that The Wonderful Ward Brothers had Made It to ruin the IWC’s ceremony.  Jason on the stick, admitting that the College Park Family may have been a hair or two better at the PPV, but for a bunch of self-important jerkoffs to be preening about the greatness of international wrestling when Serge is the only one of them who knows what a win looks like lately is HI LAR I OUUUUUUUUUUUUUS.  Talk about internationally great wrestlers, here’s two Canadians who are internationally great and know a little something about championships, which the I W C? D O N T.  Serge scoffed and asked if it was a challenge.  Rich grabbed the mic and said something in French that pissed off the IWC and especially their newly minted leader, but Serge calmed down then cut him off with a series of nons — they weren’t dressed to wrestle this week, and wouldn’t on a night like tonight for this swamp trash.  But if they wanted to face any two members of the IWC on next week’s Ruckus – well, that could be arranged.  Jason snatched up the deal, happily noting it would be Wonderful to shut them up on their way to getting another tag title shot.  Cue We Made It again, IWC chirping from the ring, the Wards from the ramp.

| • The Forbidden Book Club (Bonnie “Equinox” Agrippa & "the Goddess of Love" Shelley LaVey) d. Mean Season (Spring Green & Winter Wonderland) in a first round Women’s World Tag Team Title tournament match • | Crowley & Spare were banned from ringside given the importance of the match, but it didn’t matter; on a roll since debuting, and winning WarGames at Cold As Hell, the FBC engaged in shady tactics but took advantage of Winter’s various injuries she keeps trying to fight through, ultimately getting the duke when Winter verbally submitted to Agrippa’s Uncertainty (Rings of Saturn) after getting her arm worked over all match after missing a shoulderblock to the corner on LaVey and hitting the post.  Winter got helped to the back by the medical team, who passed by an entering Spare and Crowley, all hopping up to a turnbuckle and cackling with Agrippa & LaVey making a familiar looking motion around their waists.  The Club will take on last week’s winners Hell On Wheels in the semifinals of the tournament. **

Coincidentally enough after the match, we got a stinger from the Immortals, who killed off Gothic Horror at the PPV to mark them as QCW’s hottest, darkest new tag team.  Gothic Horror stood in their way, so the Immortals put them in the grave – if any other two men are foolish enough to court early death, the Immortals will be ready next week to dig two more graves and then more and more until they stand on a mountain of skulls, QCW World Tag Team Championships in hand.  When the stinger finished playing, the Club looked on with varying degrees of lust in their eyes, none low.  It turned out they had more business to take care of on the evening…

| • The Forbidden Book Club (“The Cauldron of Chaos” Nancy Crowley & “the High Priestess” Diana Spare) d. “The Island Flower” Luz Cruz & QCW Women’s World Champion Summer Rose • | Agrippa got caught tripping up Cruz in the first part of the match, which got her & LaVey ejected to the crowd’s delight.  Still though, FBC is proving themselves to be a unit, and the babyfaces, while talented, were staplegunned together.  Scary stuff as Cruz went for her signature Orihara moonsault, but Crowley pulled Spare out of harm’s way and Cruz went ribs first into and partially over the guardrail.  “Bollywood Diva” Sohla Patel, a longtime friend of Cruz’s from Crush days, came out with the medical staff and checked on Cruz, who insisted on staying in the match but obviously wasn’t anywhere close to 100% as a result.  The Champ took on both women as long as she could, but there’s a reason The Damned Numbers Game is such a bulletproof cliche, and after some quick tagging and tandem offense to wear her down The Club put away Rose with Spare’s underhook powerbomb and Crowley’s flying headbutt, Nancy standing over the champ after the three count and talking smack, herself also familiar with the gesture of a belt around one’s waist.  ** ½ The Club each took a turnbuckle post-match and cackled over tonight’s successes as Patel helped Cruz to the back and Rose was still down in the ring, the lights flickered red four times before the lights went out, and once they came back on, there was no Club in sight.

Back to the announce, hyped for next week’s Ruckus as well – more first round Women’s World Tag Title tourney action, another TV title defense regardless of who wins (the TV title being defended every week!  Whatta concept!) and this just in from the office of Scott Holmes, an additional title match – Summer Rose to defend the QCW Women’s World Title against the woman who just pinned her clean, Nancy Crowley, with the rest of the Club banned from ringside.  But that title fight’s 168 hours away, give or take; the TV title is on the line in the main event–right now!

| • “the One Man Jihad” Nazir el-Fadal [c] ddq. “Tiki God” Al Buffet (w/Mirror Mirror) to retain the QCW World Television Championship (2/10) • | Al came out with uncommonly steely focus, clearly listening to whatever Mirror² was imparting, Nazir came out to Arcarsenal wearing another WHERE IS MAYHEM? shirt and being disgusted by the crowd (the feeling is mutual, I suspect).  Remember, Al has 15 minutes to win the title straight up, with an additional five minutes to get an extended rematch if he closes the deal between minutes sixteen and twenty; Naz is trying to stay TV champion long enough to cash in the belt for a World Title shot (a hoop he feels he shouldn’t have to jump through).  Naz got the upperhand on Al early, paintbrushing him and standing on his back for no good reason, then turned his attention to smacktalking Mirror – the next thing you know, Al had him up in an Electric Chair and dropped out into a facebuster to the roar of the crowd and a small fist pump from Mirror.  Al took advantage of the advantage and kept pressing for the next couple minutes with a series of nearfalls; unfortunately, after he dipped his head too early after whipping Naz into the ropes, Naz held on and waited for him to look up before he drilled him with the MurderDiscusKill elbow he debuted at the PPV that scrambled Fade’s brains so effectively (and Party Animal’s last week as well).  Al tried to regain his bearings while the crowd booed; Naz merely snuck up behind him and drilled him with the Thoughts and Prayers cobra clutch suplex.  Dusting off his hands, he pointed at Mirror and said “This next part…this next part’s all on you.” 

Thoughts and Prayers, redux.

Thoughts and Prayers, the trilogy, Al clearly being dead weight at this point.  Naz did the Hogan ear cups to the crowd, narrowly avoiding Mirror grabbing his leg, then hit a couple more Thoughts and Prayers before putting the slumped over Al in a seated position and pulling him up by the hair to slash his throat – then he got spun around.

Mirror Cracked upside your head…but that headbutt is grounds for a DQ, and once again Nazir has made a successful* title defense.  ** ½  But wait, there’s more.

Mirror shoved Naz, yelling at him for the excessive suplexes.  Naz yelled back at Mirror, then got spun around by Al.  Chokeslam?  CHOKESLAM!  Biggest pop of the night as the smaller Buffet drilled Naz, then fell back into the same seated position he was on the mat not two minutes previous, but in slightly better shape.  Mirror was right next to Al and checking on him as he held his head, and since he had rolled to the floor post chokeslam that gave Naz the chance to grab the microphone.  Ruh roh.

“Two down, eight to go, rabble.  Thank you for that, Mirror.  I don’t know who you’re pretending to be, but I know who you really are, and if you keep putting your nose in the REAL World Champion’s business, you’re going to find out the hard way that championship air is rarefied, which is why you and your little sycophant suffocate when you try and fail at these main events. So let me propose something more in line with your alleged talents: 

If someone as low on the totem pole as you can have a personal assistant, I can use at LEAST one of my own.

What do you say, Mirror? You put in the work for two, maybe three years and you can get promoted to my personal chef! It’ll probably be harder for someone as embarrassing as yourself to make something edible than it was to beat that joke Williams, but in my world, nutjobs like you, well, are *grateful* for the opportunities job creators like me provide –”

Mirror was livid, and dove between the ropes after Nazir, who fled out through the crowd.  Mirror was being held back by a still recovering Al (well, he was trying to, bless him) while Nazir found the highest point in the bottom concourse and flipped the bird with one hand and held up the Television Championship with the other.  The crowd booed, Mirror fumed (presumably), and Al tried to get his brain cells lined back up in the proper direction as the credit box came up – see you next week for the two title matches and more as QCW continues to bring the Ruckus every Friday night!

Next: s1e16 Ruckus

QCW Ruckus [s1e14 • January 14th, 2022)

The show opened with a highlight reel from Cold As Hell: Mayhem & Razorblade getting into a car accident before the show and being hospitalized, unable to make the PPV - “These Hands” Roy Fade being awarded the QCW World Television title as a result and immediately challenging “the One Man Jihad” Nazir el-Fadal to have his main event street fight against him for the belt - Nazir throwing some shots at Mayhem before accepting and warning Fade he might not be ready - Party Animal beating Anton “Teknik” Stahl to get a shot at the World TV Champion tonight - Scott Holmes handing Summer Rose the new QCW Women’s WORLD Championship after her successful title defense, as well as handing off the new QCW WORLD Tag Team Championships to the College Park Family after their successful defense - Summer Rose again, but this time throwing in the towel as Winter Wonderland was being maimed in WarGames, to the delight of the Forbidden Book Club and the confusion, dismay and anger of the Storybookers - in the main event, Naz absolutely drilling Fade with an Allah-tier Rolling Elbow; Fade coming back with the Decision to cut off Naz’s tope attempt; Naz eventually winning the belt with the WMDDT and smiling far too wide to be considered friendly, holding up the World TV Championship and saying to the hard camera “I know what you rabble *thinks* this says - what it *actually* says is 

REAL

World’s

Champ.”

Naz’s evil grin gave way to the show open, and after the pyro went off the usual suspects welcomed them to another Friday night worth of fights, with Party Animal getting the shot at Nazir el-Fadal in the main event, and the beginning of the Women’s World Tag Team Championship tournament with the finals to be held at QCW’s March PPV, Golden Rule.  In addition to that – 

–whatever they were going to say next got swallowed up by new, unfamiliar to QCW music hitting the PA: Arcarsenal, by At the Drive-In.  The crowd and Duck’s confusion crystallized into hate when they saw who was the architect behind it – the new TV Champion, already smiling as he stepped into the boo-filled arena, decided to make it louder by taking off his sportcoat to reveal a simple black shirt with bold white lettering that asked a simple question:

WHERE IS MAYHEM?

Naz entered the ring and stood in the middle of it, defiantly holding up the TV title as gold pyro fired out of the ringposts and cascaded down from the overhead Quarantron.  As longtime QCW fans know by now, sometimes Jihad Time and Gloating O’Clock are synchronous - Naz grabbing the mic from Duck and holding it out to soak up every jeer from the crowd.  

He noted that when Summer retained her championship, Holmes was there front and center to give her a shiny new belt, same as he was when he handed off the new titles to the College Parkers.  But Nazir not only saves QCW’s newest and shiniest championship from being cursed to a title reign by Black Mayhem, but becomes the first person to EVER earn a Triple Crown in QCW (“QCW Champion, the REAL QCW World Champion, now your World Television Champion – use that Google for something other than porn, rabble”) and, quelle surprise, crickets.  In the latest example of time being a flat circle, Naz has to fight for a championship gifted, GIFTED to an inferior; by that reasoning, Mayhem should have been forced to forfeit the World Title in the second place back to the man who never should have gotten it stolen from him in the first place.  It’s been nearly a year and a half, and none of the rabble get it, Scott Holmes doesn’t get it, that never-been has-was at the announce doesn’t get it – nobody gets that while the marquees, concessions and championships all say QCW, he’s worked his ass off since two summers ago to make those letters shorthand for Jihad Time.

Who won the first match of the Quarantine Era?  Who was such a dominant Worldwide Leader they won’t hold the tournament again this year less he embarrass another set of allegedly elite wrestlers?  Who took it upon themselves to make it the QCW World Championship by going international when the suits failed, and lo and behold, the moment he proved it viable they pull their heads out of each other’s asses and head off to Toronto?   Who holds the longest winning streak in QCW history, marred only by a crooked referee?  He’s not 42, but Nazir el-Fadal is the answer to QCW’s everything.  He thought the Myth of Mayhem referred to his wrestling “ability”, but just as he can’t tell a cravate from a dickey he apparently can’t tell a red light from a yellow one, either.  

And if that’s gotten the rabble angry, mazel tov to them; his new year’s resolution was twofold: wake up an hour earlier every day just to hate them all the more, and recapture his physical property thieved from him at Devil’s Night.  Look where we are not even two weeks into ‘22 - he is 10 successful title defenses away from being able to cash in this belt for his other belt, though if he got the opportunities the Great White Dopes did, Holmes would let him hold both at the same time and be his own #1 contender.  Sure, Party Animal will show up in the main event and get the rabble all riled up in their shared alcoholism for seltzer water cut with piss, but he’s no more a contender to the real world’s championship than Fade, or Jimbo, or the Crash Test Dummies mmm mmm mmm mmming at everything Naz says from the comfort of their hospital beds.  The countdown begins tonight, and when it stops running he *will* stand before the rabble QCW World Champion, and praise Allah, once that happens, it’ll be another piece of QCW history that he and only he could make, since if he were to lower himself to use their metrics that would make him the first two-time QCW World Champion.  Again, they don’t get it: they won’t be able to memory hole him.  They will not be able to whitewash him out of the record books.   Why?  Because he’s Nazir el-Fadal – the Triple Crown Jewel of QCW.  Now hit his new music.

With the crowd livid, Nazir smirked then cackled, hocking a loogie at Starr before walking to the back – but suddenly got spun around and took a White Claw mist right between the eyes by Party Animal, to the emphatic roar of the attendees.  They face off for the TV title in the main event tonight!  Naz screamed and clutched at his face; PA whipped out a Claw and shotgunned it, then cracked open another one…and left it next to Naz as he headed to the back, smiling.

| • Mirror Mirror (w/”Tiki God” Al Buffet) d. “American Muscle” Bobby Bash • | Before the bell rang, Starr exclaimed on commentary that this was going to be a mismatch and over quickly.  He was right, just not in the way he expected/hoped as Mirror went after Bash right at the bell, kept up the pressure (even getting him up and over for a big Saito suplex that popped the crowd), then locked down their signature Look Inward for a tapout in under five minutes.  SQUASH  

After the match, Tiki God helped Bash to his feet, dusted him off, and held open the ropes for him to walk back to the locker room. Mirror then addressed the crowd to a loud, mixed reaction: 

“Fans, stans, and haters! New Year’s is my favorite time of year, since it is a time for self-reflection. And I want nothing more than for my fellow workers to take time to reflect as well. Mainly, they should ask themselves: ‘Is QCW really right for me? Would I be happier in another promotion? Or maybe selling cars? Or taking up knitting?’

TIKI: “Or opening a restaurant!”

(Mirror pats Tiki on the head. Thankfully, corpsing is less obvious when you’re wearing a mask.)

“Where was I? Oh yes, self-reflection. I can help! One by one, I will be challenging every man, woman, and those that opt out of gender roles, to see their true selves. I can’t shoulder this responsibility alone, so, with the help of the strongest and most self-realized person I know, we will make sure they all have a chance to…Look Inward. 

“I don’t want to pull a Nazir el-Fadal and eat up precious airtime, so I will wrap it up. This is the Year of Looking Inward, and a shiny gold title belt makes a divine mirror. That’s my New Year’s resolution, and I will be holding to it. HAPPY NEW YEAR!” 

On the way out of the ring, Mirror feinted a slap at Starr, who did his best armadillo impersonation to laughter from Mirror, Al, Steve, the crowd and probably you, too. Starr grumbled and Vandeblanche mocked him. "Two for flinching, Markie!"

"You call me Markie again and you'll be back to doing the weekend weather in Clearwater, I promise you that."

| • Serge Batroc d. Anton “Teknik” Stahl (w/”King Carny” Richard Windsor) • | the IWC, weeks ago, threatened to beat the former tag champ into the hospital.  He counteroffered that instead, he’d beat all their asses and take over the group.

You can quibble about how much ass-kicking was done considering all these matches ended being hard-hitting but cleanly fought based on holds and counterholds, but Serge first took out Williams (who then got turfed), then Windsor, who’s relationship with Anton has been tetchy since.  Anton was tetchy, period, as he lost a match to Party Animal at the PPV thanks in part to the…well, Claw Mist that would have given him the main event & a shot at the TV title tonight.  Anton went at Serge right at the bell, and had the upper hand early.  Serge went to the floor to break up the flow, and kept an eye out for possible Windsor interference but Stahl merely sat on the middle rope and invited Serge in; the Frenchman looked askance then slid under the bottom rope instead.  

Turning point came right before the commercial break as Anton missed a corner charge and slammed his shoulder into the post; Serge worked the shoulder over during the back end of the match to the point that Stahl couldn’t even get him up for a suplex and Serge countered out to Anton’s own Matter of Time elevated hammerlock; Stahl survived that by eventually getting the toe of his boot on the bottom rope but it left him easy pickings for the Arc de Triomphe that put a button on things.  *** Serge goes 3-0 against his fellow Euros and gains the leadership helm of the International Workrate Consortium.

A vignette from the Haunted Library was presumably lit by candlelight, as the Forbidden Book Club both rested up from and celebrated their victory in WarGames, sparing some mocking concern for Summer Rose before deciding to interlink hands and intone a spell; the light was actually a fiery pentagram, and in the middle of it were the Immortals, who the FBC took a shine to at the PPV.  Set your phasers for spooky!

| • “Bollywood Diva” Sohia Patel d. Winter Wonderland • | As the FBC referred to and you might remember from the opening recap, WarGames ended when Summer showed up and saved (?) Winter from the FBC by throwing in the towel; QCW’s medical staff had advised Winter against returning to the ring this fast, but bandaged forehead and all, Winter insisted on fighting (it IS Friday night, after all).  She used her power to dominate early, even getting the Idol of Mumbai and Crush alum in the Torture Rack – Patel landed a flurry of elbows to the cut to open it and break the hold.  Patel started coming back as Winter started to bleed, her quickness coming to the front as she hit a trio of topes on Winter that would end up putting the match conclusively in her favor.  Unable to get Winter all the way up for her signature Falcon Arrow, Patel decided instead to land a vicious DDT that turned Winter vertical before flying off of the top with a beautiful 630 senton (and got Starr bleeped out on commentary briefly as a result) to get the hard fought W, her first in QCW.  ** ½  Post-match, the Storybookers checked on Winter, who waved them off and slowly got up in order to shake Sohia’s hand and raise it to the cheers of the crowd.  Patel did a little celebratory Bollywood Shuffle post-match after the ‘Bookers left.

Backstage, Enya Face was with Mirror Mirror & the Tiki God, but to the surprise of most, it was Al who hogged the mic, saying that Mirror had their plans, and he had his - to challenge the winner of the main event to put their title on the line against him next week.  It doesn’t matter the size of the person, it matters how they fill out a Hawaiian shirt, and nothing goes with tropical colors like a splash of gold.  Mirror looked pleasantly surprised at this.

(Ah, whaddya know from funny, ya bastids?)

| • Hell On Wheels (Hammerhead Shark & Block Solid) d. The Polycule (@smashleysmithoffical & Justine) in a first round Women’s World Tag Team title tournament match • | Methinks given the past few months that there should be more Ls in Polycule and/or they should come out to DCFC’s “the Sound of Settling”.  Anyway, you know about the resident doormats; H.O.W. (lol) are two Crush alumnae and former roller derby enthusiasts who want nothing but a good time, and they got it here to the crowd’s increasing delight (even bringing back the old Nasty Boys’ Pit Stop for the biggest pop of the match) before polishing off poor @ with a minor variant on their Penalty Elbows – sandwiching @ with them in the middle of the ring instead of waiting for her to come off of the ropes.  Shark fended off Justine during the pinfall, and yes, another post-match tantrum ensued.  Wheels get the winners of the Forbidden Book Club/Mean Season match that’ll happen on next week’s Ruckus in the semis.  *

It was quiet, and snow fell lightly on the ground.  Interspersed in brief shots between that were Gothic Horror, walking quietly in real time - and getting nearly humiliated by the Immortals on Sunday before the newcomers put them away decisively.  They stopped their walking when they saw a grave - theirs.

GOTHIC HORROR

Who Cares - 2022

A trash can was set in front of the headstone, and familiar looking gear started going into it.  Heard but not seen was the following: 

“It turns out that for all their bluster, the Immortals were right.  Gothic Horror is dead.  We have them to thank for that.  It was a funeral and a necessary one to break the spell the Club put us under.  There’s nothing like an ass whipping to introduce a man or men to what they really are, and we are not the undead.  Nor rappers.  What we are are WRESTLERS.  Soon, we will reveal our true selves.  And when that happens, the Immortals – the whole tag division that was and once again will be ours - will be buried alive in our wake.”

A match lit the gear aflame, the trash can placed in front of the headstone alight by flames with the burning of the gear.  TAFKA Gothic Horror were no longer there.

On Ruckus next week, the first round of the Women’s World Tag title tourney continues (FBC/Mean Season), Serge Batroc takes his place as lead of the IWC, and Tiki God will get a shot at the winner of the next match, tonight’s main event:

| • “”the One Man Jihad” Nazir el-Fadal [c] ddq. Party Animal to retain the QCW World Television Championship (1/10) • |  Party Animal had a good showing in the title tournament and then beat Anton Sunday to get the shot tonight, also cutting off Nazir’s parade of ego that kicked off the show with some well timed Claw between the eyes.  Absent the World Champion, Naz is not only using his new championship to reassert his dominance over QCW but to earn his way into what would presumably be a bulletproof title shot [for those just joining us, once a Television Champion makes 10 successful defenses they can cash in/forfeit the title for a World Title shot at a time and place of their choosing].  Nazir took the belt from These Hands in the main Sunday night to become (as he so annoyingly made Duck announce him as) the longest-reigning World Television Champion in QCW’s history (which goes back some 66 years, as opposed to this belt’s, which was birthed on Sunday night).

Naz made the referee pat down PA before the match; three Claws were found and discarded.  PA replicated that idea, and the ref found brass knucks on Naz, who immediately tried to play Unfrozen Caveman Champion about it.  Unfortunately for him, the bell had rung, and PA nearly took his head off with a superkick that sent him between the ropes.  PA followed up and took control of Naz early, only to get drilled out of nowhere with the same vicious rolling elbow that dropped Fade Sunday night, the announce calling it the MDK Elbow.  Nazir kept control of the match, and the Hamrin Valley Driver set up Naz going for the throat slash taunt to set up the WMDDDT –

–then Party Animal struggled in midair, then Naz was struggling to breathe, period, since PA had reversed it into his signature submission, the (Mandible) Claw is Law.  Naz struggled to fight it off, then gave up and used his remaining strength to shove PA into the ref.  I mean, it was mildly debatable and the announce did so while the referee is down, but it seemed pretty obvious to me and Starr.  With both men down, Roy Fade ran down to the ring and delivered the Decision to Naz before seemingly deciding whether or not to put Party on top for the win.  While he was thinking it over, Oasis’ Supersonic came on over the PA, and another man who knows something about caving in opponents’ skulls with running knee strikes came back from his maternity leave – “the Fury” Jim Jaspers.  Fade waved Jaspers on, and they brawled, Jaspers dodging an attempted low blow before he executed one of his own and took These Hands down to Fury Road, to the crowd’s roaring.  He then turned and let an evil grin spread across his face as Naz was recovering on the mat, and drilled Naz with a Fury Road of his own; unfortunately, he did this about two seconds after the referee recovered, and as such, the bell was called.  ***

Party Animal got in Jim’s face about it, then Fade came from behind and hit a knee into Jim’s back that sent him into Party.  Fade went back on the attack on Jaspers, Party got involved after they recovered and all three men started brawling in various configurations while Naz, holding his head, crawled up the ramp with the TV title in tow.  He looked back at the ring, let out a cackle, then winced at the cackle hurting his scrambled brains.  One down, nine to go, even if it didn’t exactly go the way he wanted it to – see you next Friday from Arena Quarantina, where QCW will continue to bring the Ruckus!

Next: s1e15 Ruckus

Cold As Hell PPV (Scotiabank Arena • Toronto, ON)

Preshow

1. Lolo Vuitton d. “The Island Flower” Luz Cruz (Bloody Shoe -> pinfall)

2. Mirror Mirror d. @smashleysmithofficial (rollup -> pinfall)

Mayhem and Mason “Razorblade” Savage got into a car accident on the way to the show, thus causing some rebooking from the original card…

Matches:

• QCW WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP tournament finals: “These Hands” Roy Fade dfor. Mason “Razorblade” Savage #AndInaugural

• Crusazdo del Oro & Los Caballeros d. Los Luchadores Locos (Cruzado Parajo del Sol (phoenix splash) Atomico -> pinfall)

• #1 contender TV title consolation cup: Party Animal d. Anton “Teknik” Stahl (White Claw Mist -> rollup -> pinfall)

• The Immortals d. Gothic Horror (Devil’s Door -> Revenant pinfall Orlok)

• QCW WOMEN’S WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: Summer Rose [c] d. “The First Lady of Fitness” Karyn Tisch-Warren (w/Scott Warren-Tisch) (Come Up -> pinfall)

• QCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS: the College Park Family [c] d. The Wonderful Ward Brothers (Bass Drop -> pinfall)

• WARGAMES Forbidden Book Club d. the Storybookers & Winter Wonderland (Summer Rose towel throw -> ref stoppage)

• street fight QCW WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP: Nazir el-Fadal d. “These Hands” Roy Fade [c] (WMDDT -> pinfall) #AndNew

• Of Note: Nazir now considers himself to be the first Triple Crown winner in QCW history, now adding the World Television Title to his resume alongside the QCW Championship and the QCW World Championship

Next: s1e14 Ruckus

QCW Ruckus [s1e13 • January 7, 2022]

Slight modifications to the show open, with more Forbidden Book Club, Winter Wonderland and hey, Serge Batroc before pyro and ballyhoo; over to the desk with the usual suspects who’re hyped for Cold As Hell this Sunday Sunday SUNDAY live on PPV and the PPV-level worthy main event tonight: Nazir el-Fadal, ahead of his street fight title shot in Toronto teams with fellow former champions Gothic Horror to go against the QCW Tag Team Champions the College Park Family and the QCW World Heavyweight Champion Mayhem in an elimination trios match!  In addition to that– 

–the feed started breaking up 

–-got static-y 

–and then looked like we hit the Great White North two days early, as the CN Tower was bathed in a series of small round white lights, then we heard a voice unheard on QCW television before say “It took us a long time to get here.”  After a few beats, another similar voice chimed in “Sure did, brother.” 

This was the setup/introduction to possibly Canada’s current greatest tag team, the Wonderful Ward Brothers, Rich and Jason.  They talked about falling in love with Stampede and wanting to do that for a living, and even though they took their bumps and bruises (footage played from various years of them evolving from kids in the backyard to rookie pros to their first tag title victory back in ‘15 all the way up to them capturing gold last summer in the Manitoba Wrestling League), there’s nowhere they’d rather be on a beautiful night than Toronto.  But QCW knows a little something about that, right?  They’re coming to their backyard Sunday, eh?   

Jason took off his sunglasses (at night, no less) and pretended to look out over the horizon, saying that they thought they could see the College Park Family from up here.  Rich let out a bark of a laugh at his little brother’s joke, then chimed in that if there was going to be tag team wrestling in the 6, hell, anywhere in Canada, then that meant everyone’s lives were going to get a lot more Wonderful.  Well, except for the College Park Family, who would be leaving Canada 8 pounds lighter than they left it.  Jupiter’s a legend, we all already know that.  Patton’s a talented kid who might be able to jump up here off of a running start.  But that doesn’t make them a tag team - YEARS of togetherness (“whether you want it or not” chirped in Jason) makes great tag teams, and makes great tag team champions.  So hopefully tonight’s main event doesn’t do too much lasting damage, because in 48 hours the Wonderful Ward Brothers are coming to QCW to add another pair of tag belts to their legacy and get them around the waist of a REAL family.  As the vignette broke up again, Jason said “I hope you get this view from the top someday.  Who knows?  Maybe it’ll happen Sunday night, eh?"

“Technical difficulties” resolved, the announce raved over the Wards being part of the new wave of talent wanting to come aboard QCW’s bandwagon.  The Wards are coming into the tag division, but the first Ruckus of the year would open up with one man getting closer to being crowned QCW’s first Television Champion (hey guess where and when)! 

| • Mason “Razorblade” Savage d. Anton “Teknik” Stahl (w/”King Carny” Richard Windsor) to win a QCW Television Title tournament semifinal • | Savage came out sporting some slightly recovering facial burns, courtesy of Naz’s fireball after last week’s main event.  Windsor kept looking over his shoulder on his way out, with Stahl sort of having to keep him in line.  A post-match handshake after the bell rang was offered by Stahl & Savage took it; that kicked off a (surprisingly?) clean but stiff, hard-fought match.  Stahl had control going into and out of the commercial break, focusing on the arm as you might expect.  Post commercials, Serge Batroc came out but opted to watch from the ramp as Savage got back into things using his power game.  Even with the opposite striking arm, it turns out a well-timed rolling elbow will drop anyone like a bad habit, and while Stahl got a hand on the ropes to survive the count, he was disoriented the rest of the match and eventually got put away with the Soul Crusher.  Mason gets the winner of Fade/Party Animal later on tonight for the belt on Sunday; Serge shook his head (in disappointment?) before heading to the back.  ** ½ 

On This Week in QCW History: “Cowboy” Jack Powers won the Duquesne Classic in 1974. 

| • Los Caballeros d. Toddzilla in a handicap match • | The luchadores cut a pre-taped promo, presumably done so that they could be subtitled.  They had tasted humiliation at Toddzilla’s hands but those days were done.  It turned out they were…actually right.  Well, they wouldn’t have won on points or anything until the match’s last couple of moments, but after Toddzilla missed a corner avalanche then hit the post, los Caballeros uncorked six (!) combined superkicks (the last two tandem)  set them up for an almost synchronous Shooting Star Press from Verde and frog splash from Blanco.  Ironically enough, he kicked out at what would have been 5.  Los Caballeros quickly got out of snatching range before celebrating their victory on the ramp, leaving Toddzilla to chokeslam the hapless referee in retribution.  That’s a fine.  * ½ 

| • "Tiki God” Al Buffet & Mirror Mirror d. @smashleysmithofficlal & Dom DeSade • | Al & Mirror are friends and maybe more after their match last week, though everyone is keeping tight lids on whatever that relationship actually counts as.  Mirror got on the mic pre-match to tell @ that while she probably didn’t care what they thought anymore, all the filters in the world wouldn’t make the clown emoji she’s with a thirst trap (they looked over to Al to make sure they said that right, and he nodded).  Dom actually dominated Al for the brief moments he was in the ring, but @ kept tagging herself in, then getting punked out by Mirror.  After the last time, @ threw a full on tantrum ringside, ripping up the ringside mat and kicking at the stairs, distracting Dom enough to be left open for an Al flying DDT that secured the win for Team It’s Complicated (they’ll probably get some kind of official name eventually should they stay together). ** 

While the show isn’t until Sunday, the Immortals were shown lighting up Toronto: hitting the goth clubs in a hearse, silently taking in a Maple Leafs game from the front row, absolutely housing some Tim Horton’s, before sitting on a tombstone behind a freshly made grave in the Necropolis Graveyard and intoning they lived every day as if it were their last.  Obviously, they have no fear of death.  Can QCW’s tag division say the same?  They both dismounted from the tombstone and walked away, the words GOTHIC HORROR and their deceased date being 2022 prominent. 

| • The First Lady of Fitness” Karyn Tisch-Warren (w/Kevin Warren-Tisch) & Lolo Vuitton d. “Island Flower” Luz Cruz & QCW Women’s Champion Summer Rose • | 

Vuitton & former Crush champion Cruz are facing off on Sunday’s preshow; fellow former Crush champ Tisch-Warren gets her shot at Rose for the title after beating Cruz with help from her husband a couple of weeks ago.  He also helped out early on as he handed Karyn a hydroflask to drink from after she successfully hit an underhook backbreaker; when the referee complained, Vuitton got the zebra’s attention and KTW slammed it into Cruz’s head then feigned ignorance.  At least this time when he tried the towel-holding-down-my-wife’s-feet-on-the-ropes trick later on, he was caught and ejected.  In the end, despite some bickering during the match, the black hats took home the W when Vuitton feinted coming into the ring after Rose hit the Come Up on KTW, then when the referee had their attention occupied by Cruz trying to get in, blasting Rose with the Bloody Shoe and letting Karyn roll over for the BS win while she took out Cruz with a cheap shot that sent the Island Flower into the barricade.  ** Post match, Karyn celebrated as if she had already won the title, drawing her husband out for a somehow even more obnoxious celebration that they eventually asked Vuitton if she wanted to join in on; Vuitton scoffed, rolled her eyes and left. 

In the Haunted Library, the Forbidden Book Club fumed underneath red lights.  They also cursed the Storybookers ahead of Sunday night, shaved Equinox’s humilimullet into a pretty bad-ass looking Mohawk (dyed red, duh doi), cursed the Storybookers ahead of Sunday night, then put their hands on each other’s shoulders before almost cracking all their heads into a right angle to look at the camera and intone lowly “There’s no happy ending to this tale.  This.  Is.  WAR.”  Cackling.  Man, was there ever cackling.   

| • Roy “These Hands” ds. Party Animal to win a QCW Television Title tournament semifinal • | 

Well, poor Party Animal already came in handicapped thanks to Dom’s workover a couple weeks ago in the quarterfinal match, and Fade was already pissed after Animal stole a pin on him in the fatal fourway of last main’s event and the way Mirror had chumped him out the week before that.  Fade shut down Animal’s early offense with a knee to the gut that almost had PA coughing up blood, and no amount of Claw could save him from Fade’s ground and pound or crossfaces.  Fade put the Animal down with a rear naked choke to get his spot in the finals on Sunday night.  * ½  After the match, Fade reapplied the RNC on Animal and looked to have him set up for the Decision, only for Mason “Razorblade” Savage to make the save and clear the former mixed martial artist from the ring.  Savage swore, Fade smirked and made the sign for a belt around his waist, and one of these men walks into next week QCW’s first-ever Television Champion – 10 successful title defenses away from cashing it in for a shot at the World Title.   

Inside the steel cage, the Storybookers tested it.  Almost caressed it.  Wendy’s smirk got bigger by the moment as the Storybookers went over all the crap they’ve had to eat in the past year when they built the women’s division as QCW knows it.  For a bunch of bottle brunettes to take away what they had rebuilt?  They didn’t have the ovaries.  And in this steel, there’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, no spells to cast, no nineties movies to draw inspiration for.  The Storybookers favorite movie?  Lately, it’s been the Wizard of Oz – and at this point, Winter Wonderland came into frame alongside them, sneering “I just LOVE when the witch dies at the end.  And come Sunday, here in WarGames? 

The same thing is going to happen to you bitches that happens to all witches in fairy tales.” 

| • QCW World Heavyweight Champion Mayhem & QCW Tag Team Champions the College Park Family d. “The One Man Jihad” Nazir el-Fadal & Gothic Horror in an elimination match (one survivor) • | 

Two Cold As Hell matches for the price of one in the main, with the additional bonus action of this not being a regular trios match but an elimination match that can only end with one of the teams all being taken out.  Given the fact the Naz/Mayhem rivalry has literally been going on for a year and the competing tags have for a season plus, contentious is probably the word you’re thinking of to describe this.  No one had love for any of their opponents, but as you might expect things got a little bit spicier when a straight up rivalry was happening in the ring versus say, Mayhem/Orlok.  To be fair, the first elimination in the match happened off of that, with the champion pinning Orlok in the second segment after his senton bomb (3-2, good guys).  Nazir immediately inserted himself into the match and went after Mayhem, and neither man tagged out over the next few minutes as they went one on one with ferocity, both men almost getting DQed a couple of times.  Nazir got the better of the exchange and shockingly made Mayhem the first elimination off of his team; he was able to do so because he had his feet on the ropes in his corner with Bram holding his legs down for leverage, but hey (2-2 tie).  

That caused Lucius Patton to come into the match, looking for revenge after Naz trucked him a few months ago on this very program.  Patton held his own and then got the better of the former QCW World Champion before tagging Jupiter Jones to come in after Naz - not like they have any history or anything, right? - and things sort of slightly settled down into something resembling a tag match, the difference being the black hats’ staplegunned team together against the reigning champions.  The champions had more fluidity but the black hats had more tricks up their sleeve, Naz able to duck a shot that Jones wasn’t, and a distraught Patton was easy prey for not only Thoughts and Prayers, but el-Fadal’s notorious WMDDT to make it 2-1 bad guys.  With Jones easy picking on the floor and their opponents down to their last man, Nazir and Bram had fun for the next few minutes tagging in and out, Nazir even at one point mockingly going to the opposite corner and pounding the top turnbuckle only to give Jones a hangman when he staggered over that way to make a tag to a teammate he no longer had.  Bram dropped Jones, and Nazir cackled before running around the ring and yelling at the Gothic Horror enforcer for the tag.  Despite the grave look on Bram’s face when he slapped Naz in the chest, el-Fadal got his tag – and walked right into a small package.  Life’s real simple, Naz.  Don’t play yourself.  Don’t play yourself.  CONGRATULATIONS, etc. (tied) 

It came down to Bram v. Jupiter, and while Bram got a few nearfalls Jones used the crowd’s undying support to survive them and eventually get the upper hand, winning the match by not only delivering his signature Bolt From Olympus but following it up with his own Bass Drop (I’m sure he’ll owe Lucius a beer for that one) to get the shocking win and complete the comeback for the babyfaces.  *** 1/2 

Lucius came from the back and celebrated with Jupiter, before their old friends Gothic Horror came out and started going after them.   

Lights out. 

Killed By Death. 

Lights on. 

Hello, the Immortals!  The crowd got noisy upon Einherjar and the Revenant making their presence known, then started to roar as they drove Gothic Horror from the ring.  The former champions recovered and fumed on the floor as the current champions offered handshakes to the newcomers…only to get dropped by them in short order.  You can retroactively add a needle scratch if you like.  The Immortals got the upper hand and started advancing towards the tag titles – only to find themselves in another brawl with Gothic Horror, which 

Lights out again? 

Kenny Powers (?!) saying “Goddamn, I’m shitting gold these days!” giving way to Soulja Boy and more importantly Aubrey Graham yelling out triumphantly “We made it!”  The lights began to flicker in alternating red and white before one last blinding white light (go off) settled the ambience--and introduced the QCW audience to the Wonderful Ward Brothers live and in the flesh, who immediately went after the Immortals to the increasing joy of the crowd.  While they couldn’t do the job on their own, with some help from Gothic Horror the Immortals were sent packing - GH & the Immortals brawling through the crowd as Rich offered a handshake and hand up to Lucius. 

Right before Jason leapt up and drilled Jupiter with a cutter, completely deflating the crowd.  Rich looked at his brother probably confused and definitely pissed before Lucius went after Jason - obviously he was going to come out on the bad side of a 2 on 1, the Wards eventually unveiling their doubleteam Dynamic Express to a mixed but LOUD reaction.  Jason picked up one of the QCW Tag Title belts and admired it, Rich telling him to put it back by the champions.  Jason took a couple of beats to do so, but did.  Cue We Made It once again as the Wonderful Wards headed back up the ramp having bookended the show; World Title street fight!  Tag title match!  TV title tourney finals!  All this and more from the 6 on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY at Cold As Hell!  You better be dead or in jail to miss this one, and if you’re in jail, break out!* 

* Don’t actually break out of jail, you wanna get sued?! 

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